Silver Sliver
by halfdemon-kai
Summary: That was it. There was no sorry, no real reason as to why we couldn't be friends anymore. Just 'you're a girl' and 'we'll get caught'.
1. Peasant

_Hey everyone! This is Silver Sliver. While I was writing Silver Slits I realized that I wrote things in there that are different in here. Instead of doing the smart thing and just changing it in Silver Slits, I'm changing them in here. :3 That also means that I'm editing this story and fixing some things. _

_Please enjoy. :D _

_- - - - means lyrics_

_-- means P.O.V. switch_

_**Silver Sliver**_

**Peasant**

When I was younger, I used to have this friend. He was seven years older then I was, but that didn't seem to make a difference. Sure, I was only seven at the time, but it didn't mean anything. We were still friends, and he was pretty much the only one I had. I missed him when he left because I didn't know why he had. I knew I was a girl, but I never acted as one. I would have rather been like a boy than a girl. I thought that was why we had become such great friends, but I suppose I was wrong.

* * *

It was a rainy day and I sat in the rain as I waited. I could have sat under the ledge of the gate, but I decided not to. We had agreed to meet rain or shine every other day, since I wasn't welcome where he grew up. I was a mere peasant in his family's eyes. I was worth nothing to them and for my age, I knew that.

"Where is he?" I whispered to myself as my short dark brown hair got drenched by the rain.

I had been waiting for half an hour, waiting patiently to see him walk out in his white hoari.

"You should not be waiting in the rain," a voice said from behind me.

This caused my blue eyes to widen and look back to see who was standing behind me. _'How did he get there without me noticing?'_

"How did you-"

I was getting to my feet when he had cut me off by placing two fingers on my lips to silence me.

"There are guards near," he told me quietly, a stoic figure about him that had not been there before, "You should not be here."

Before I could protest, he grabbed my wrist and began running through the trees too fast for me to really keep up. _'What's going on? This isn't like him at all…' _After a few minutes of running, he stopped in the middle of the forest before releasing my hand.

"What's going on?" I asked him with confusion.

"We can't be friends anymore."

Those words struck deep and he must have known that because he winced on his own.

"You're a girl, Nina. My parents have become suspicious on where I go from time to time," he told me rather sternly, "We can't be friends anymore."

That was it. There was no sorry, no real reason as to why we couldn't be friends anymore. Just **'you're a girl' **and **'we'll get caught'**...

- - - -

_I'm just a normal boy_

_That sank when I fell overboard_

_My ship would leave the country_

_But I'd rather swim ashore_

_Without a life vest I'd be stuck again_

_Wish I was much more masculine_

_Maybe then I could learn to swim_

_Like 'fourteen miles away'_

_Now floating up and down_

_I spin, colliding into sound_

_Like whales beneath me diving down_

_I'm sinking to the bottom of my_

_Everything that freaks me out_

_The lighthouse beam has just run out_

_I'm cold as cold as cold can be_

_Be_

_- - - - _

_**Present**_

I sighed as I stared out over the ocean. I had always dreamed of it, but I always imagined having someone standing beside me, enjoying the same scenery.

"So much for that," I laughed slightly, stretching my arms above my head.

My long black hair hung down my back as the sun brought its light from the morning. It was still rather early as I watched the seabirds fly with my red eyes with slits for pupils.

"I wonder what it would be like to fly like that," I mused to myself as one bird dove into the sea for a fish.

'_I think I like the ocean. There are no other demons looking for it and it's very pretty.'_

It had taken me nine years to find the ocean since that day; the day my only friend abandoned me. Today was the anniversary of that and I could never get my mind off of it when the day came._ 'Nine years exactly… Strange how I could find the ocean on today of all days.' _My arms were propping me up as my legs hung over the cliff's edge.

"I can't believe this," I murmured, closing my eyes and feeling the breeze blow.

'_If I was to be honest… I wish that I hadn't found this place alone…' _

The waves were thrashing against the cliff and rocks below. The salt air was relaxing and the sound of the waves was as well. _'I really can't believe this… What was I thinking? Did I think that he would just be here after nine years?' _What was wrong with me? How could I expect that of him when he was the one who decided to leave?

I heard some rocks moving along the cliff side which caused me to open my eyes. _'Is someone there?' _My blood red orbs were drawn to someone standing a while away; standing and staring at the ocean. He had his arms crossed in his sleeves. His silver hair caught the light of the rising sun. His hoari was mostly white with light red on his shoulder and one sleeve. I couldn't see his face from where I was, but I knew that he was just watching the slowly moving waves.

"I wonder what he's thinking about," I murmured to myself before falling onto my back to stare at the sky.

The clouds were still rather dark further back over the forest behind me. _'It's still rather dark… That means that the day has barely even started yet.' _I groaned slightly and covered my face with my hands.

"Today's going to suck like it always does every year,"

The presence of the silver haired stranger made me a little more miserable than it should have. _'He had silver hair… he let me play with it once. Then he got upset because I braided it in a few places…' _Lifting my head, I dropped it on the rocky cliff. I didn't want to think of that, not at all. I wanted to snap out of it, to forget about him and move on.

He was supposed to be a childhood friend and nothing more. I wasn't a child anymore, I was a teenager. I was a full grown… person now. I was an old enough demon to take care of myself, to have the ability to raise my own family if I chose. _'But you didn't choose, did you? You left home and decided to follow up on a foolish dream.' _

I had not made a promise to return home; just left by telling my poor parents that I needed to leave. We had lived in a poor village with not much money or food. We were just there and did our best to survive. _'That was why we were considered peasants. Our family was worthless to them… I was worth nothing to everyone except him…'_ It was true, I had no other friends made and wasn't very close to my own family. When passing through a village, I never spoke to anyone, just passed through.

"Make it stop!" I growled, getting to my feet rather quickly.

'_I don't care how cold it will be, it better make all this crap stop.' _I walked away from the cliff's edge by a few steps. _'I know it's early spring, so the water should still be cold from winter… but I have to try this out…'_ Cold water always made everything better anyway.

"Here goes nothing," I told myself, getting ready to go.

My legs took off first and I jumped off the cliff before I could realize what was happening. All I knew was that I had drawn the attention of that stranger off to the side.

--

He stood there, looking out over the ocean. He had agreed to see it once when he was younger… such a simple promise. It had meant so much back then… so much that he believed that she might possibly come to the ocean as well. He knew it was a foolish thought, but it didn't stop him from secretly wondering. She had been his only friend and he had to leave her too abruptly.

"Nine years of waiting," he murmured to himself.

It didn't take him long to find the ocean after he had left her alone. He ignored her for two years, pretending not to notice when she went to the forest to see him anyway. Then at one point, she stopped coming and disappeared… Then his parents died after those two years. When he was able to go looking for her, she was gone. His first instinct was to go to search at the ocean, even if he had received his parents' inheritance. He had more important duties than to watch just some land. Duties like finding her.

He was surprised to see that when he arrived at the ocean cliff, there was a young girl sitting there; feet hanging over the edge. She seemed uplifted… happy even though she was completely alone. He assumed that she had been there since some time in the night, waiting for the sun to rise above the slow moving waves.

"How strange," he whispered as his golden eyes watched her closely.

He could hear her murmuring to herself and then a few minutes later she was growling at herself it seemed. She rose to her feet and stepped backward from the cliff. Was she going to jump? Did she plan on dying in the icy currents below? He assumed that if he watched, he would find out.

He watched as she ran toward the cliff, jumping over the edge with a grin on her face. His golden eyes widened with slight surprise. Her black hair was blown behind her and upward slightly with the updraft of the currents below. He didn't understand the expression on her face. Was she glad that she was jumping to her doom?

--

My feet were tucked underneath my legs as I leapt over the edge and began to fall. I could feel the adrenaline pulsing thought my veins – the rush – as my stomach felt like it was rising into my ribcage. The air was blowing upward as I was being pulled downward. _'This water's going to be cold.'_

- - - -

_I want to swim away but don't know how_

_Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean_

_Let the waves up take me down_

_Let the hurricane set in motion... yeah_

_Let the rain of what I feel right now... come down_

_Let the rain come down_

_Where is the coastguard_

_I keep looking each direction_

_For a spotlight, give me something_

_I need something for protection_

_Maybe flotsam junk will do just fine_

_The jetsam sunk, I'm left behind_

_I'm treading for my life believe me_

_**How can I keep up this breathing**_

_Not knowing how to think_

_I scream aloud, begin to sink_

_My legs and arms are broken down_

_With envy for the solid ground _

_I'm reaching for the life within me_

_**How can one man stop this ending**_

_I thought of just your face_

_Relaxed, and floating into space_

- - - -

The water pushed around me as I plunged into the frozen water. Immediately, I felt the current pull me further under and away from the shore. I didn't try to fight against it as I held my breath. I never planned to commit suicide. I was just going to float under the water. Either way, it worked for me. If I did die, there would be no one to care. It didn't matter to me. _'At least those stupid thoughts are gone now.' _I smiled slightly at the thought.

That was until I felt something grab the back of my dark blue hoari. It was pulling me somewhere, pulling me backward. _'What's going on?'_ My eyebrows were furrowed with confusion. What was going on? Why was something ruining my falling plunge into the ocean? I was confused as I was being pulled back toward land. When my head reached the surface, I began to cough as my body was pulled onto the shore.

"What the hell?" I coughed with confusion, looking behind me.

It was the silver haired stranger that had been standing on the cliff a little ways away.

"Do you wish to kill yourself?" he asked emotionlessly, looking toward the waves.

"Does it look like I do?" I asked, glaring at him.

"Yes," he stated simply, returning my glare.

"I wasn't planning on it, but if it turned out that way then fine," I told him, spitting out some salt water that had dripped into my mouth, "It's not like anyone cares about it anyway."

'_I wonder how many people have actually planned to kill themselves that way…' _

The silver haired stranger looked at me intently with his golden eyes. I assumed that he was plotting something.

"So thanks, but I'm leaving now," I said with a bored tone.

"Some people would be more grateful for their life being spared; humans especially," he stated, rather annoyed by the ignorance.

"Sorry, but I'm not a human," I shrugged, "Never have been and never plan to be."

- - - -

_I want to swim away but don't know how_

_Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean_

_Let the waves up and take me down_

_Let the hurricane set it motion... yeah_

_Let the rain of what I feel right now... come down_

_Let the rain come down_

_Let the rain come down_

_Now waking to the sun_

_I calculate what I had done_

_Like jumping from the bow__** yeah**_

_Just to prove that I knew how__** yeah**_

_It's midnight's late reminder of_

_The loss of her, the one I love_

_My will to quickly end it all_

_Set front row in my need to fall_

_Into the ocean, end it all_

_Into the ocean, end it all_

_Into the ocean, end it all_

_Into the ocean... end it all_

- - - -

There was a rumble in the ocean that made me stop in my tracks. _'That's not a wave…' _My red eyes were drawn out to look over the waves, watching for anything that might appear. He was watching as well, only his eyes were locked in one stop. He knew where it was coming from.

"_**YOU RUINED MY MEAL…"**_ a dark voice said from under the cold water.

'_A demon…' _My eyes widened slightly at the chill in the voice. It sounded sinister.

"_**YOU SHALL PAY WITH YOUR LIVES," **_the voice growled.

A large dragon like sea creature jumped out of the dark waves, jaw opened wide. _'Oh crap…'_ I jumped to the side to dodge and the sea creature's face hit the rock face, knocking higher rocks off from above. _'There's no place for us to run… We could climb, but that would just give this thing time to jump at us…' _If we started to climb, we would be sitting ducks.

Large boulders fell around us and I had to dodge a few as I slowly backed away from the large sea creature. _'It sort of looks like an eel or something…' _Its teeth were razor sharp and there were a lot of them. It turned toward me and its dark eyes watched me intently.

"_**YOU SHALL BE FIRST," **_it stated, moving forward to me, ignoring the silver haired stranger almost completely.

'_What the hell?' _My blood red eyes narrowed into thinner slits as I glared at the ugly grey creature.

"I never really was one for cowardice either," I stated, cracking my knuckled and getting ready to strike.

"_**IT'S BEEN A WHILE SINCE I'VE HAD A FIGHTING MEAL."**_

The creature sounded amused as it slithered forward more, preparing to strike as well. _'Stupid eel thing…' _I lunged at the creature and punched its head downward and jumping onto its back. My claw dug itself into the slimy flesh, causing blood to come from the wound.

The creature let out a scream of pain before flinging its worm like body against the cliff wall. My back collided with the cliff and the creature's body was pushing against my stomach, completely knocking the air out of me.

I could feel the crushing pressure almost crush my chest. I was trapped, and if I wasn't careful, in a few minutes I would be dead.

"I'll be taking that now," the silver haired stranger stated, slowly walking toward the scene.

My vision was slightly blurry as I tried to focus on his face. _'I don't think… I'm going to make it…' _There was too much pressure on my lungs that made it so I couldn't breathe; there wasn't enough space to be filled in them.

"_**HOW DO YOU PLAN TO STOP ME?" **_the sea creature wondered; I could feel the rumble in its body as it spoke.

"Like this," the stranger mused, holding out his right claw as the index and middle finger began to glow.

'_I'm sorry… for being so weak…' _Everything went silent before going black.

--

He stepped forward and could sense the contentment of the creature. How dare it not believe that he was a threat! He found it insulting that such a minor demon even dare think about there being no threat. Everything that did… usually died two seconds after.

Swinging his right arm gracefully, a bright green whip appeared that sliced through random parts of the creature. At one point, it narrowly missed the trapped unconscious girl. With the last stroke, the creature's head fell to the ground – unmoving – with its body in pieces. His golden eyes were drawn to the girl lying motionless on the rocky ground. She was breathing slowly, but it was better than nothing.

He didn't know why, but he felt compelled to save her. When she was in trouble, there was something inside telling him to rescue her even though he didn't know her. Was this to make up for his childhood friend? He assumed not, but whatever the reason, he didn't really like it.

This girl reminded him far too much of her. No one could fill that void within himself… no one but her. That small little peasant girl had meant so much to him and he abandoned her just like that. He didn't want this older strange girl to try to take her place. He wasn't about to rest on coming here every day until he saw her waiting, watching the ocean like he always had.

"I-I'm sorry," he heard the girl cough slightly, "We had… fun though… didn't we?"

He cocked a brow at her. The girl was talking in her unconsciousness… how she did that slightly made him curious.

"Too much fun," he stated, watching her with golden eyes.

"I-I thought so..." she mused before going back into silence.

"Those words… she used to say them," he murmured to himself as she lifted the unconscious girl into his arms.

--

I opened my eyes to a darkened sky and the light of a fire burning a few feet away. Cocking an eyebrow, I sat up slowly to see where I was. _'What's going on? The last thing I remember was…' _At that moment, a clear image of the eel, dragon like sea creature crushing me against the cliff face.

"Then… how?" I questioned, looking down at my clawed hand.

There was no blood on it, it was perfectly clean.

"That's twice now," the silver haired stranger stated emotionlessly, "You owe me your life."

"I don't do debts," I told him coldly, looking away from him.

'_He's right… That __**is**__ twice now that he should have let me die but chose against it… Why should I matter?' _

I knew I didn't matter. I was only a peasant girl from a poor village… I meant nothing.

"You're just choosing to not get close to anyone," the stranger stated, "You chose to push everyone else away."

My blood red eyes were drawn to him with a glare. _'What the hell does he know?' _

"They don't get close to me and I don't get close to them. It goes both ways," I stated with agitation.

This stranger… there was something about him that bothered me… a familiarity about him. I had never seen anyone with a blue crescent moon on his forehead and four raspberry marks on his cheeks. _'He's probably from around this area and has always been here. I bet he's never traveled a day in his life.' _

"Good, because I have no intention of getting close to you," he stated simply, throwing a log onto the fire.

"Good," I laughed with a slight shrug, "I didn't really plan on sticking around here for very long anymore."

'_I know he's not here… He's probably as far away as possible…' _My expression became solemn at the thought. I shouldn't miss that childhood friend… but I did with a burning desire.

- - - -

_**(Zayra)**_

_Into the ocean__** goodbye**__ end it all __**goodbye**_

_Into the ocean __**goodbye**__ end it all __**goodbye**_

_Into the ocean __**goodbye **__end it all __**goodbye**_

_I want to swim away but don't know how_

_Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean_

_Let the waves up and take me down_

_Let the hurricane set in motion __**yeah**_

_Let the rain of what I feel right now... come down_

_Let the rain come down_

_Let the rain come down_

_Into the ocean __**goodbye**__ end it all __**goodbye**_

_In to space_

_Into the ocean __**goodbye**__ end it all __**goodbye**_

_Into the ocean __**goodbye**__ end it all __**goodbye**_

_Into the ocean __**goodbye**__ end it all __**goodbye**_

_Into the ocean __**goodbye**__ end it all __**goodbye**_

_Into the ocean __**goodbye**__ end it all __**goodbye**_

_I thought of just your face _

_Into the ocean__** goodbye**__ end it all __**goodbye **_

_Into the ocean __**goodbye**__ end it all __**goodbye**_

_Into the ocean __**goodbye**__ end it all __**goodbye**_

_Into the ocean __**goodbye**__ end it all __**goodbye**_

- - - -

The stranger looked at me and his golden eyes seemed to be slightly longing. I coughed slightly and put a hand around my ribs. They were in pain and I was annoyed by that fact. _'Damn it… I'm so weak compared to other demons. I'm rather pathetic.' _

"What did you come here for?" he asked, voice slightly curious.

"I came looking for someone… and it's taken me nine years to get here. They're not here, so why should I stay here?" I wondered quietly, staring at the fire as it engulfed a new log.

There were a few moments of silence before I decided to continue.

"He… abandoned me when I was younger and I was still hoping that maybe he would honor our dream to see the ocean together… but I guess not," I explained quietly with a small smile on my face.

Why was I telling this to a complete stranger of all people? My own parents didn't even know.

"It was nothing but a childish dream… but I can't help but wish that I could see him again."

'_I want to forget about him, yet at the same time… I never was to let him go.' _

**End of Chapter 1**

_There you have it, all fixed up and nice. :3 I hope that you all liked the first chapter. _

_Please R&R and thank you so much for reading. :3_

_halfdemon-kai_


	2. Past is Present

_Edited chapter 2. _

_Thank you so much for reading and reviewing, I appreciate it so much. _

_Please enjoy the new chapter. :3_

_- - - - means lyrics_

_-- means P.O.V. switch_

**Past is Present**

- - - -

_Message on voicemail: Hi Justin! This is your mother. It is 2:33 on Monday afternoon. I was just calling to see how you were doing. You sounded really uptight last night. It made me a little nervous, and a little, well it made me nervous, but it sounded like you were nervous too. I just want to make sure you are really okay and wanted to see if you were checking in on your medication too. You know I love ya and take care, honey. I know you're under a lot of pressure. See ya. Bye, bye!_

- - - -

The silver haired stranger watched as the young girl slept beside the fire. That girl had a lot of fire inside her and used it when she needed to. This black haired girl was looking for someone; just as he was. He was waiting while she was walking forward to find that person.

"Nina," he whispered her name to himself.

This young girl was indeed his childhood friend. Her happy personality was only slightly dimmed, and he anger had grown considerably. There was no denying it now. This girl was his Nina. He couldn't tell her. She would have to figure it out for herself, or at least most of it. He had finally found her and he was not about to let her go.

--

Opening my eyes, I saw the light of the sun rising. _'How very uneventful…' _I thought dully as I rubbed my face to wake myself up. Sitting up, I saw the silver haired stranger sitting against a tree trunk with his eyes closed. With them closed, I had to admit that he truly did look serene. _'I wonder what he looks like now. I bet his silver hair is really long now… longer than mine.' _I smiled at the thought before banishing it to the back of my mind. Those thoughts were for yesterday and that day only. _'It must be this guy… That familiarity about him brings back the image of his face on the day he left…'_

"Stupid cold bastard," I growled to myself.

The night before had been uneventful. After I had explained my purpose, we sat in silence as he seemed to ponder something. I didn't ask what his purpose was, but I assumed that he was too busy thinking to himself. A few hours passed before sleep over took me once again. I didn't know what happened after that, but he had moved from his original place beside the fire to the tree.

"Probably got bored," I murmured, pushing my bangs out of my eyes.

"Do you enjoy talking to yourself?" his voice asked me almost coldly, but curiosity was hinted in his voice.

"Do you?" I asked back with slight agitation.

He wasn't supposed to be listening. _'So much for sleeping…'_

"Might I ask why you talk to yourself?"

"Beats talking to jackasses with nothing better to do," I stated simply, finding I had a comeback for everything.

'_I always used to turn his sentences around too. He used to get so annoyed sometimes.' _I smiled slightly at the thought.

"You're not the only one searching," the silver haired stranger stated quietly as he rose to his feet.

'_Not the only one searching?' _I watched as he turned to walk away into the forest.

"W-wait!" I called after him, taking off to catch up.

When I reached him, he turned back to look at me with a perfectly cocked eyebrow.

"Is this not where we go our separate ways?" he asked me calmly.

"Why leave so soon?" I asked, grinning slightly.

Maybe the familiarity wasn't as bad as I thought it was. It was almost… strangely comforting. Or maybe it was the difference between being alone and with another person. I was hoping it was the latter.

- - - -

_I have to block out thoughts of you so I don't lose my head _

_They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed _

_Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I'm alone _

_Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home _

_There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain _

_An ounce of peace is all I want for you. Will you never call again? _

_And will you never say that you loved me just to put it in my face? _

_And will you never try to reach me? It is I that wanted space_

_- - - - _

'_Maybe this is finally my chance to move on… To get to know someone else for a change.'_ The thought was almost too tempting. I wanted to really believe that… but knew that I could never truly let him go.

"So what's your name, anyway?" I asked with a cocked eyebrow.

"I thought you didn't want to get close to anyone," the stranger said with a slight smirk formed on his lips.

"I don't get close to people," I reassured him, "But that doesn't' mean I can't know who they are."

After a few moments of waiting, he finally did something.

"You can call me 'my lord'," the stranger stated calmly.

'_Great, another person to think I'm only a peasant…' _I thought dully, making a face with slightly furrowed eyebrows. That was just great. Even my new 'friend' would see me as not worthy as well. To me… that meant that he would leave me behind as well.

"That's your name?" I asked, almost laughing with doubtfulness.

Again that slight smirk graced his lips. What was so amusing?

"No, but that is how you shall refer to me," he stated.

He continued to walk easily in a steady pace as I almost struggled to keep up.

"How fun," I said sarcastically, extremely not enthused.

There was nothing fun about acting like someone was better than you. I couldn't see the benefit… but I didn't want to be left alone yet. I wasn't ready, not now since I had someone to talk to.

--

He walked ahead of her slightly as she followed him. He was amused when she asked for his name. She already knew it, but he wasn't going to tell her that. After all, his inheritance from his parents caused him to become the lord since he was the eldest of two boys. Him and the unmentionable half bred brother were what remained of their father.

"Fun, fun, fun," he heard her murmur to herself quietly.

They were walking away from the sea, journeying more to land than open water. Now that he had found her, he didn't need her throwing herself off cliffs again. She was going to live whether she wanted to or not… Even if the sea was a sight on its own.

From what he could remember, her hair was the same colour, only possibly darker and longer than what it had been. What made him question his own instincts was the colour of her eyes. When they were younger and had played together, her eyes had been a vibrant blue. Now… now they were a shade of blood. They were a bright red and he wondered if she had done something to gain that colour.

Red suited the girl well. He assumed that if they were still blue, she would have loathed the sight of how innocent she looked. What had caused her to change over the nine years? Was this truly his girl? The only way for him to find out would be to say her name… or ask for it.

"So where are we going?" she asked with slight boredom.

He forgot that she needed to be kept entertained before something bad happened to something. Bored equaled disaster when it came to her.

"Inland," he stated simply, "We can return to the ocean again."

That was only half truth. He wouldn't let her return until she knew it was him that she sought… Or at least got the answers she deserved.

"Are you sure that's such a great idea?" she asked sarcastically, "I might try to commit suicide again."

His step faltered with those words. Sure she was being sarcastic, but would she choose to throw her life away? Was that really what she thought when she jumped off that cliff into the frozen sea water?

"I highly doubt that you will," he said with a rather threatening growl.

"That's why it's called _'sarcasm'_," he heard her murmur to herself.

Of course, she would never take the coward's way out.

--

- - - -

_Hate me today _

_Hate me tomorrow _

_Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you _

_Hate me in ways _

_Yeah ways hard to swallow _

_Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you _

_I'm sober now for 3 whole months it's one accomplishment that you helped me with _

_The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won't touch again _

- - - -

'_I liked it in the water… sinking like that felt a lot like my life.' _With a sigh, I glared to the side. This lord had threatened me to stay alive. What could he do to me if my life was already in danger? Kill me and save me the trouble? Somehow… I doubted it.

"What does it matter to you anyway?" I asked with slightly furrowed eyebrows, "You're the one who just wanted to part ways."

It was true. He **had** just told me he thought it was the part they went different ways. He couldn't deny that, and I knew he couldn't.

"That doesn't mean I wish for you to drown yourself," the lord stated almost quietly.

"Whatever," I scoffed, glaring to the side.

'_He couldn't understand that aching pain that's been endured for nine years… I don't think anyone could.' _The thought made my pupils thinner and my jaw tightened.

"It's not like you could ever understand," I nearly spat, turning my red eyed glare to him, "Someone like you… of course you wouldn't understand."

I began to hate the feeling about trying to replace him. How dare I?

"Someone like me?" he questioned me with a cocked eyebrow.

It took me a few moments to come up with an answer as he turned and stared at me with golden eyes.

"You're a lord. You get everything you ask for **when** you ask for it," I stated almost hatefully – seething - at him, "I bet you've never suffered a day in your life."

The height difference weighed no factor in my glare. I wasn't afraid of this man, not even if it wasn't him I was mad at. I had no one else to be mad at but myself.

"Don't say anything," I stated, clenching my fists, "Just… just never mind. Forget I said anything."

- - - -

_In my sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night _

_While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight _

_You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate _

_You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take _

_So I'll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind _

_And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind _

_Hate me today _

_Hate me tomorrow _

_Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you _

- - - -

'_There's no one else to blame except your self…' _My claws began to dig into my palms, causing blood to come as the skin was pierced. I couldn't keep my anger hidden. I felt like I was betraying him. Even though I had been abandoned by him – betrayed – I couldn't do the same to him.

"Why are you angry at yourself?" the lord questioned me.

'_Why… why isn't he angry?' _

"It's none of your business," I growled, turning my glare away from him and to a random tree.

I could see him narrow his eyes slightly before turning to walk on. _'I can't believe that I lost control like that…'_

Why had I got so mad at something so simple? I knew that I was mad at myself, but why had I snapped at him? Just because he could never understand? If I really thought about it… it was stupid.

"You can stop squeezing your palms now," his voice snapped me out of my thoughts.

My red eyes looked down as I raised my closed hands to look at them. Opening them, I saw the damage dealt. Blood was coming out of four slits on each palm.

"Sorry," I murmured, licking the trickling blood on my right palm, "For… getting mad I mean."

"Your choice," was his simple reply as he continued to lead the way.

_**Ten years ago…**_

I sat on a log, kicking my feet as I waited. I had met a new friend the other day, and we had agreed to meet again. I was happy to finally have someone else to play with instead of sitting around on my own. _'I can't wait. He should be here soon.'_

"Have you been waiting long?" his voice grabbed my attention.

I looked back and saw him standing there. My grin was large when I saw him in his white hoari.

"Sesshoumaru," I said happily, jumping to my feet to greet him.

'_He came. I can't believe it; I made a friend.'_ I was so content with that thought… an actual friend.

"Are you ready Nina?" he asked me, a pleasant smile on his face.

He was quiet and I liked that even though I was still just a kid. Sure, he was older, but that didn't matter; we still got along.

"Yes," I grinned, my dark brown hair blowing in the gentle breeze.

"Good," he said with a nod, holding out his hand to me.

I took it eagerly, not caring where we were going. Friends didn't lead each other into danger… At least that was what I believed.

As he led the way, Sesshoumaru pulled me behind him to wherever we were going. After about ten minutes, a rat demon appeared with blood red eyes. He stopped and stood in front of me protectively, still holding onto my hand.

"Don't move," he whispered to me, not taking his eyes off the large rat.

"**Small children," **the rat hissed, claws digging into the soft soil on the ground.

"One of us is not so small," Sesshoumaru stated, releasing my hand.

While he wasn't paying attention, I snuck to the side and lunged at the creature.

"Nina!" Sesshoumaru's voice called after me.

I was on the rat's back and dug my small claws into its ribs as well as my fangs into its back. _'This creature is so stupid!' _I growled in my throat as I pulled on the rat's flesh. The animal demon thrashed, beating its back against a tree to get me off.

"Nina, let go!" he demanded in the background.

My grip on the rat tightened at his words. I wasn't about to let go. My claws grabbed onto a rib and began to pull against it. The rib broke and then I was slammed against a tree again, which caused me to let go completely.

Blood was all over as the rat fell motionless to the ground not too far away from me. _'I doubt it's really dead…' _Throwing the broken bones to the side, I wiped the blood from my mouth onto my sleeve.

"Have you lost your mind?" Sesshoumaru asked me with stern eyes.

"A-apparently," I coughed, swallowing whatever blood was in my mouth.

'_It's nothing new to what happens all the time… Stupid things like that always happen.' _I winced as pain coursed through my back. There would be a bruise there tomorrow… a big one.

"Remind me to not let go of you next time," he told me, patting my head.

"Yeah, bad idea," I laughed nervously, catching my breath.

Sesshoumaru sat down beside me and we laughed slightly.

We hung out together once every seven days, then three times to every other day. That was at least until his parents began to expect more of him.

* * *

_**Present **_

Opening my eyes, I saw nothing but the stars above and the dimming light of the fire. _'Damn… why can't the past just leave me alone?' _My palms were placed on my forehead as I tried to shake the thoughts away. It was night again, and the lord had barely said a word to me after our – my – argument.

"That was my fault," I murmured, furrowing my eyebrows under my palms.

Deep down, I hated myself for trying to move on – to make another friend. I couldn't help being angry at the thought. _'I guess I'm just confused with everything…' _

- - - -

_Hate me in ways _

_Yeah ways hard to swallow _

_Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you _

_And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave _

_Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made _

_And like a baby boy I never was a man _

_Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand _

_And then I fell down yelling__**"Make it go away!"**_

_Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be _

_And then she whispered __**"How can you do this to me?"**_

- - - -

Sleep did nothing but bring up the past anymore. _'He walks just like Sesshoumaru used to… always in the front.' _The thought made me smile slightly. I always did enjoy watching him from behind.

"I'm such an idiot," I laughed, removing my palms and staring at the sky with my red eyes.

Closing them, I tried to fall back into a dreamless sleep.

--

He watched her as she slept; seeing her twitch slightly in her dreams. When she woke up and covered her face with her palms, he began to wonder what she had dreamt. The mind was curious when asleep because things were always unpredictable. It wasn't very often that someone could control what happened in their dreams.

She began to stir slightly before curling up on her side. He didn't blame her for being angry before; it would have been her reaction at all times. His Nina was still there, she was just buried slightly under a betrayal that hadn't been her fault. Why hadn't he just explained it to her on that day? Everything she deserved to know? What had caused him to change his mind like that? Was it really to protect her? Or was it all just for his own selfish reasons?

"I don't… fully understand," he whispered to himself, closing his golden orbs.

There had been many reasons to his actions… at least he believed they were reasons.

- - - -

_Hate me today _

_Hate me tomorrow _

_Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you _

_Hate me in ways _

_Yeah ways hard to swallow _

_Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you _

_For you _

_For you _

_For you_

- - - -

Clenching his fist slightly, he tried to push the thought away. The only downfall to seeing her again was the amount of human emotions that seemed to run through him. That was the only downfall.

"I can tell her… once the subject arises again," he convinced himself, leaning back against a tree trunk, "She deserves that much…"

--

Before the sun rose, my eyes were open. The lord was still asleep against the tree and the fire had gone out. There wasn't even the sound of birds to make a sound. Nothing but the sound of the ocean left behind. _'I want to go back to the ocean… I want to watch the sun rise over the waves again… I want to have the chance to look at it properly.' _I sat up silently and got to my feet slowly. I wasn't about to wake him up.

My feet were silent across the ground as they moved toward the way we had come from the previous day.

"Sorry," I mouthed the word before quietly taking off into the trees.

The ocean seemed to be the best place to be… even in a time like this. That washing pressure and current had felt nice, but I knew it would be best to just imagine it this time around. _'One near death experience is good for two days.' _I told myself as I ran. I knew it would take a while, but I would get back to the ocean without being caught.

--

He slowly opened his eyes to the slowly rising sun. His golden orbs caught sight of nothing except the night's fire. She was nowhere in sight; she was gone.

"Where could she have-"

His thoughts were cut off by another thought. It wasn't where could she have gone, it was where she went back to.

"The ocean," he whispered to himself as he rose to his feet.

How could have slept so deeply as to miss her retreating footsteps? It was something he didn't understand. What he did understand was that he would find her again, and she would most definitely be alive. Even his near emotionless heart wouldn't be able to withstand the pain of losing his once best friend.

--

I broke through the trees to the cliff side by the time it was near sunset. The sun was three quarters through its cycle in the sky, which lit up the slow moving waves with the colour of light orange.

"That's better," I mused, flopping down a few feet away from the cliff's edge.

'_I would wait forever if I had to…' _Leaning back, I propped myself up with my elbows and bent one leg while straightening the other.

My long black hair hung onto the ground behind me as I began to wait. I decided that possibly waiting here would be best… even if it meant waiting for a long time.

"I'm such an idiot for doing this," I laughed slightly, shaking my head.

"You are," a voice stated behind me.

My back went rigid as I heard his voice. The lord wasn't supposed to follow me.

"Why didn't you just keep going?" I asked rather quietly, an emotionless tone.

'_He wasn't supposed to follow…'_

"I have something that you should have… knowledge meant to be shared from the past," he started to explain, his footsteps coming closer.

"Why share something with me?" I asked almost sarcastically.

He turned my attitude away, "This knowledge is for your ears only."

**End of Chapter 2**

_I hope that this is getting exciting for you all. _

_Thanks again for reading. Please R&R. _

_halfdemon-kai_


	3. Positive Negative

_Edited chapter 3_

_Thanks so much for reading and reviewing. Love you guys for it. :D_

_Please enjoy. :3 _

_- - - - means lyrics_

_-- means P.O.V. switch_

**Positive / Negative**

He looked at her with earnest eyes. This was something he needed her to believe, if anything else. She could leave after, be angry with him… hate him if she had to, so long as she heard his words. She wasn't looking back at him yet, but he would have her full attention.

"Nina," he spoke her name calmly when he was standing beside her.

She still didn't look up at him.

"…Yeah?"

"That person you seek while waiting here… what do you expect from them?" he asked her questioningly; curious.

"I don't know," she half laughed and half whispered, "I know it sounds… ridiculous, but after nine years I still can't let him go. I bet you don't believe me."

No, she didn't sound foolish at all. It all made perfect sense to him, because he of all people did understand this kind of pain.

"I believe you Nina," he stated with a kind of care in his voice, "There would be no one who would understand more than I."

Even he couldn't understand the tone in his voice. All he knew was that he wanted her to hear nothing but the truth.

"No one understands," she murmured to herself, eyebrows slightly furrowed.

- - -

_Where do you go  
_

_When the day is long  
_

_And where does your heart beat  
_

_And who is wrong_

Why do I feel this way

_Why do I kneel  
_

_How could I let it go  
_

_Why do I feel  
_

_Why do I feel  
_

_Why  
_

- - -

He looked down at the girl questioningly. She was pretending not to care, but why?

"That person you seek may understand."

"I highly doubt it _'my lord'_," she stated with an edge in her voice.

"Nina, you must listen to these words," he, the lord, nearly pleaded.

After a few moments of silence, she sighed and sat up properly.

"Fine, I'm listening."

--

I had been reluctant to listen at first. I didn't want to hear things like _**'he wasn't going to come back'**_ or_** 'it's not worth it'**_. I had told myself so many things, but it didn't seem to matter. I couldn't keep from wondering. Sesshoumaru had meant everything to me and took a lot of me away with him.

"I'll listen," I stated, making myself proper.

"I am Sesshoumaru, Nina."

His voice was so even that it made my eyes widen. I wasn't sure what had struck me first; the anger or the shock. My heart was pounding in my chest and my eyes narrowed to thinner slits.

"You're lying," I growled, jumping to my feet and glaring at the lord.

'_There's no way… no way that he is Sesshoumaru.' _

"I would not lower myself to such standards," he stated simply, looking at me with serious eyes, "You must believe me."

"Why?!" I growled, clenching my fist, "Why should I believe you? I told you something completely personal and now you're rubbing it in my face?"

The lord's arm took hold of my wrist with one swift movement and I was stuck in place.

"We were young Nina. It's been nine years since you were seven and I was fourteen," he began with a serious tone, his eyes pleading for something, "The day we met we were in the village and you were chasing some chickens around and I left you in the rain; abandoning you."

I closed my eyes, trying not to believe him. He was right. We had met in my village… and I had been chasing chickens around. _'He's lying… he has to be. There's no way…' _

"Why? Why did you leave me like that?" I asked, thrashing against his grip on my wrist.

Did he have any idea on how that felt; to have a best friend crush his heart and dreams completely?

"Why, damn it?" I growled, fangs bared as I pulled my wrist backward and to the side to get away.

It was no use, I wasn't going anywhere like this.

"Was it just because I was a girl?" I asked, demanding an answer, "Or was it because we would have been caught?"

I was mad and wasn't going to start crying over something like this. Of course I was in pain, but not to the point of tears.

"Your life would have been in danger if we had remained friends," he told me calmly, still pleading with his eyes, "It was the only way I believed to keep you safe from harm."

"Safe from what?" I asked, eyebrows slightly furrowed and red eyes blazing.

"My mother had told me that if she heard of our being together again, she would send guards to kill you… I did not wish to feel such a burden on my conscience," the lord explained rather slowly as he remembered the past, "Out of my own selfishness, I had to send you away."

'_His mother… wanted to kill me?'_ My thrashing stopped completely. And I looked at him with confused eyes. Had he really done that… just for my sake? _'He's still a traitor… no matter how sorry he is…' _I reminded myself as I looked into his golden eyes.

"How is that… selfish?" I asked with a cocked eyebrow.

"At my age, I had few friends, and for you to be a girl… had an effect that I cannot get rid of. I yearned for you to be friends with me… for us to always have fun together… To say such words on that day wounded even me."

- - -

_Follow me home  
_

_Through the, the maze and awn  
_

_I'll show you the road  
_

_That I led you the wrong way on_

Why did I go that way

_Why do I steel  
_

_How could I let her go  
_

_Why do I feel  
_

_- - - _

My heart seemed to pound for a different reason now… Those words had entranced me slightly and I wanted to believe them; to believe him.

"My parents died after you left. My mother right after, followed by my father ten months later… I went looking for you only to hear that you had left the village," he continued, his eyes not as yearning but almost… gentle.

I couldn't hold his gaze anymore; I needed to look away. _'I can't believe this… it has to be a dream.' _

"You scarred me, Sesshoumaru," I told him solemnly, red eyes falling to the grass, "It felt like you took my soul away… Did you expect me to wait there forever? I might have been seven but I wasn't stupid."

His grip loosened on my wrist as his hand traveled to mine.

"Though it seems you did wait," he stated with a slightly amused face.

The hard part was over… but I was sure that a few more were about to come.

--

When she had gotten mad, he began to wonder why… then he understood her meaning. She believed he was lying to her… that he wasn't really who she had been seeking. His heart sank slightly at the thought; he didn't need her to not understand. So he grabbed her wrist unconsciously to keep her from doing anything rash.

"We were young Nina. There was a nine year difference," he tried to explain to her.

He needed her to understand… to understand why he needed to leave her like he had.

When she asked him why he had done it… he was relieved. She did believe him and all he had to do was explain. The words came out almost all at once, immediately wanting to speak the truth. He couldn't believe that the lowly humans were right; sometimes the truth could set you free.

"You couldn't have expected me to wait forever," she murmured, looking away.

"Though it seems you did wait," he said with gratefulness.

He was glad that she had held onto that childhood dream of the ocean. She came all the way to see the ocean, and gained more than one experience. They were together again; friends through and through. He didn't want to have to make that change.

* * *

--

My blood red eyes stared out over the ocean as I thought. He was back now, so now what? What was I supposed to do now that he was back in my life again? When we were younger, a lot of things were a game and were enjoyable. But now… now we were grown and less seemed enjoyable. Only talking really seemed right… and he wasn't one for talking much.

"What have you been doing for nine years?" I asked with a cocked eyebrow, pulling my legs to my chest and resting my arms on them.

"Waiting," he stated simply, staring out over the ocean as well, "I've been here nearly every day; pausing at the sight of the waves with each passing day."

His words from before make sense now, _"You're not the only one searching."_

"Are they different everyday?" I questioned.

"They move at random… reminding me much of you."

"I see," I murmured, eyebrows furrowing slightly.

I didn't understand the feeling inside my chest as he spoke. His words felt like they had a meaning to them… if not to him then only to me. This feeling… was much like the familiarity from before. I wanted to reject it because it didn't feel right. Friends weren't supposed to feel that way.

"What caused your journey to be nine years?" Sesshoumaru questioned me, following on my question.

'_Of course he would wonder. He got here long before I did and I left first.' _

"I took a long path… with lots of sidetracks along the way," I mused slightly at the memory of my _'adventure'_, "One part wasn't a sidetrack. It was actually something I needed to do before I went on."

'_If I hadn't of done what I have… then I probably wouldn't be standing here right now. My body would have been long since rotten.' _My eyes narrowed at the thought. My past wasn't one that I much enjoyed, for obvious reasons. There were also things that I wasn't proud of… some more so than others.

"What do you speak of?" he asked me with real curiosity.

"Do you not feel or smell the difference Sesshoumaru?" I questioned, looking at him seriously.

It was my turn for needing understanding. He needed to understand this.

Sesshoumaru's eyes narrowed at my question. I could tell by his expression that he was concentrating. That was at least until his eyes became furious. _'Of course he would be angry… He was always against such things.'_

"Nina, what have you done?" he asked me – growling – at the realization.

"A lot of things," I stated as I got to my feet, stepping toward the cliff's edge.

If he could not accept it… then I wanted to escape the reality. The water looked more inviting than the last time I had seen it.

I could feel the up draft off the waves and was enjoying it before my wrist was grabbed again.

"I demand a better answer," he growled again.

"Ha, that's amusing," I laughed sarcastically, "Don't try to be all high and mighty with me. You weren't there to understand!"

"This is not a joking matter Nina. What have you done to yourself?"

I clenched my jaw tightly and glared at Sesshoumaru almost hatefully. He wasn't understanding.

"I sold my soul Sesshoumaru! I'm not half anymore!" I growled back, seething, "I couldn't bear being part human anymore, so I got rid of it. I found a demon that could help me and he did."

Sesshoumaru's grip tightened on my wrist at my words. He didn't seem to understand at all.

"Please, do enlighten me then," he hissed at me, golden eyes frozen over with anger.

"Why? So you can leave again?" I growled back.

Yes, I knew Sesshoumaru had a temper, but that wasn't going to stop me… not this time._ 'Traitor!' _

"I've told you my reasons. Now give me yours," Sesshoumaru stated lowly, pulling me closer to him.

He wasn't going to let go. _'Fine… he asked for it.' _

--

He looked at her, almost threatening her well being. She had always known he was against such things as trading away parts of your self. Why had she done it then if she had always known? To do just this?

"One who trades away their human to become full demon loses control. They go rampant like a regular savage would. Is that what you desired? To kill innocents?" he asked her, gripping her arm tighter.

He wasn't about to let her go. She needed to explain and now, otherwise he wouldn't be held responsible for his actions. What she had done was crushing him on the inside. She truly wasn't everything she had been when they were together nine years ago.

"Because you killed me Sesshoumaru," she said rather defiantly – coldly – as she stared into his golden eyes, "There was nothing there anymore anyway, so I got rid of it… Do you think I enjoyed killing all those people?"

Her blood red orbs were brooding as she stared at him; obviously expecting him to understand everything.

"Did you do it just for that reason?" he asked her with slightly narrowed eyes.

That one small explanation burned unlike anything he had ever known. She meant so much – everything – and she was telling him that he was the reason she became this way. She changed… because of him. It was his fault that she was this way. Was that what she was telling him?

"Nina…"

"No!" she growled, trying to jerk free of his hold, "I'm not listening to all this crap anymore. If you don't understand how it feels to be so numb that it hurts… then stop trying to convince me I was wrong."

- - -

_Oh why did I go that way  
_

_Why do I steal  
_

_How could I let her go  
_

_Why do I feel  
_

_Why do I feel  
_

_Why_

Why

_Why did I go that way  
_

_Why do I need  
_

_How could I let her go  
_

_Why do I feel  
_

_- - - -_

He couldn't find the right words to speak at the moment. Was it possible to be in so much pain that everything went numb? He wasn't sure that it was…

"Everything important to me was gone when you left me… I was nothing," she started to explain almost solemnly.

The look in her eyes told him that she was serious. That this was not lie.

"At first it was good just to see you, but then that faded and I needed to get away from the numbness. I thought of everything, but I needed to feel something different… so I sought him out and he freed me from myself."

The tone in her voice almost made it so he didn't want to listen. The amount of guilt and pain it all created bothered even him.

--

'_I killed… so many people. Their blood stains these claws even now…' _My eyes narrowed at the thought. Had I been wrong by doing this? Was I wrong to want to remain one of the living? _'I hope not.' _

"I'm still alive and that's all I care about," I murmured, turning my intense gaze back to Sesshoumaru, "I regret killing all those people… but I don't regret staying alive till now. I've still been in pain, but at least I know I'm guilty!"

Sesshoumaru's claw was still tight on my wrist, keeping me where I was. I could tell by the look in his eyes that he knew my intentions and that I wasn't getting away. _'Does he understand? I don't want to have to remember everything at once…'_

"Look, do you understand or not? Were those good enough reasons?" I asked coldly, taking a step back with my right foot.

"Is that all your reasons?" he asked me, eyes curious.

Nodding rather cautiously, I didn't break eye contact.

"Then I suppose… you are partially forgiven."

'_Is that it? Is that all he has to say?' _His grip loosened until it let go completely.

"If you know your faults, then what's there to punish?" he asked rather quietly, still holding slightly to his sternness, "If it was all to survive then it was all for the best."

It was surprising on how calm he was now. Or was it something else? Was it pain that made him so calm? Or was it truly realization?

"I needed to survive… if only to see you again," I whispered, losing my edge from before.

'_It started after and before it happened… I didn't want to die because of you, but that didn't mean I didn't want to see you again…' _I smiled slightly at the thought, though it was inwardly.

"I needed to see you again," I murmured, turning to face the forest, "My soul may no longer be human… but I still feel like I used to. Just not as much…"

Sesshoumaru cocked a brow toward me, watching me with his golden orbs. They seemed almost… cautious? I couldn't really tell because I was no longer looking at him. My red orbs were on the ground.

"Why do you not look at me while you're speaking?" he asked, taking a step toward me; closing the space I had made.

I felt his hand on my chin, trying to lift my head to look at him. When he did, our eyes locked and I was surprised by the intensity of his gaze on me. He was serious – very serious – which caused my eyes to look away again.

"I guess that maybe…" I paused, trying to think.

'_I'm scared… that you'll get mad. That you'll leave me alone again… That maybe… I've done all this for nothing.' _My brows furrowed at the thought. What was the point of finding him again if he was just going to leave? Would that have been worth those nine years? ...Or would it have been completely worthless? I had assumed that it was the latter.

Sesshoumaru's hand jerked slightly, getting my attention.

"I wish for you to look at me Nina. I cannot understand if you do not explain properly," he told me quietly.

"…I'm scared that you'll get mad with what you'll see," I told him, red eyes locking with golden ones.

After a few moments, Sesshoumaru seemed to be contemplating something and had decided.

"The only thing I shall never forgive you for…" he started, pulling me slightly closer, "Is what you have done to yourself… and I shall never forgive myself neither."

I cocked an eyebrow as he pulled me closer and he wrapped an arm around my back as his lips were at my ear.

"This is what I've done to you and I shall not forget. In the future, I hope to see you more often than I have."

My eyes widened at his words. Did that mean he was going to leave? Was he about to leave and not return for a long time?

"I will do whatever I can for forgiveness," he whispered to me; his arm tightening around me slightly.

After a few moments of confusion, I was released and he was turned away slightly.

"What's that supposed to mean? _'You hope to see me more often than you have'_? …What the hell are you talking about?" I asked him with furrowed brows.

His words made no sense… at least not to me.

"I must travel somewhere… and I must go alone. I will come back for you in the morning," Sesshoumaru started to explain. "I would prefer that you stay here for the night than your life once again being at risk."

"Okay, so you are trusting me to stay by the ocean cliff that I had just jumped from previously?" I asked with a slight smirk on my face.

"I am trusting that finding me again was what you truly desired… and that you have no desire to jump again."

As I thought about something to say, he was already walking toward the forest and into the night.

"I'll return in the morning," he explained, not looking back, "You better be here when I return."

"H-hey!" I called after him, "I wasn't committing suicide you know! I just needed to stop thinking!"

There was no answer as the silver haired figure disappeared through the trees.

* * *

I sat on the cliff side with a fire going behind me. Even in the dark, I was watching the ocean waves. The night had caused the tide to rise higher than it was before, which fascinated me. _'Who would have thought that one thing could have so many different personalities…' _I smiled slightly at the thought. _'The ocean is affected by the weather… It could be sunny and the ocean happy. Raining and storms make it angry…' _

"Quite the sight isn't it?" a voice said from behind me.

My back stiffened at the voice.

I knew who it was… but didn't know why he would come.

"This is what you wanted to live to witness?" he asked with amusement.

"There's more to it than that Jensuke," I said rather lowly, trying to not get up and run.

He was not a normal demon. He had tremendous power and to take away a human soul for a demon one was proof of that. Such a thing shouldn't have been possible.

"I must say I am surprised at you Nina," Jensuke's voice laughed as he came closer to me, placing a hand on my shoulder, "All of this for that demon lord? Was it worth it? Do you think that killing all of those humans was truly worth it to just see him again?"

His voice was taunting and it scared me. This was the only demon I was actually afraid of.

"What does it matter to you?" I asked coldly, not looking back, "You got your soul, and I got what I wanted."

"I wish to finish off the deal," Jensuke replied, leaning down to me, "You **do** remember don't you?"

"No actually, I don't."

- - - -

_Oh why did I go that way  
_

_How could I steal  
_

_Oh how could I  
_

_How could I  
_

_How could I_

How could I

_How could I_

- - - -

Jensuke placed his other hand on my shoulder and gripped them both rather tightly.

"You should, because it was a rather important part of the bargain," he told me, his voice sending chills down my spine.

I knew what he was speaking of… but it was better to play stupid in a case like this.

"Your feelings are stronger in your human soul, which means I can feel everything that you're feeling at any time… I know when you're sad and numb. Or when you're scared, like right now," he continued into my ear, "I know your heart yearns for him… and you know what that means, don't you?"

'_That you're going to make me do something I'll regret…' _My eyes fell at the thought.

Something I would regret would have to be worse than what I had already committed.

"You know what I want you to do," he told me again, gripping my shoulders tighter, "Either bring me his demon soul, or become my slave for the rest of eternity."

"You know I won't bring you his demon soul," I stated coldly, "If becoming a slave is the only way… then give me four days to spare."

I heard Jensuke chuckle darkly into my ear.

"Nina my dear, you've signed the deal."

**End of Chapter 3**

_Hope you enjoyed it. :D Thanks again for reading. _

_Please R&R_

_halfdemon-kai_


	4. Preemtive Strike

Hey everyone! I know that it's been a little while since I last updated, but it's after work and late so I decided that I would get this new chapter posted for everyone to read. :D:D My cousin was over, so I started last night after she went to bed, then I got distracted and couldn't finish. xD So I post it **now!** Lol. Well thank you all for reading and reviewing, you all make me very happy. I'm glad that you all like it, or at least I **HOPE** you like it. :3

So I don't know if this song fits or not with this chapter. I can't really remember the song from my CD. My brain's really dead right now. Lol. So if it doesn't fit, then I'm really sorry, I just really hope it does fit. It's _**18th Floor Balcony**_ by _**Blue October**_. :D:D Please Enjoy!

… means lyrics

-- means switching point of views

**Preemptive Strike**

Jensuke hadn't moved after he had spoken. He was still there, almost… taunting me. It felt like… he was telling me on how screwed I was without speaking a word.

"I know how you feel for him Nina… even if you do not. That bond is not one of friendship for you. Instead, you love him," the demon almost mused into my ear, "It's rather sad."

Sesshoumaru meant everything to me. He was the only person in my life with the power to destroy my entire being completely. He was my **only** reality.

"You can pretend to understand Jensuke, but I'm sure that you will not," I snapped coldly as I pulled my shoulders out of his hold and stood to face him, "A bastard like you never would."

"Defiant… Even at the end. I can't wait to see what you'll be like in captivity."

Our blood red eyes locked together; his holding amusement and mine hate. His long black hair was tied back in a low ponytail and his bangs were short. He wore black and blue armor over a red hoari. There was no sword since he did not need one.

"I'll be seeing you in hell," I growled, stepping backwards towards the cliff.

'_The water won't be so friendly… just like last time.' _

"I wouldn't do that Nina," Jensuke mused, "You wouldn't want him to be left alone again, now would you?"

My eyes widened slightly at his words. Had Sesshoumaru truly been alone the entire time? Did he not have company?

…

_I close my eyes and I smile_

_Knowing that everything is alright_

_To the core_

_So close that door_

_Is this happening?_

…

Jensuke came forward and placed a hand on my cheek with a smirk on his face.

"Be a good girl until I come for you in four days from this hour. Until then…"

A fist collided with my stomach and the air was knocked out of me completely. Jensuke caught me before tossing me beside my low burning fire.

"That will be a pain you will live with."

With those last words, Jensuke was gone, and everything went black.

_**Eight years ago…**_

A year had passed since the day in the rain that held abandonment. I still couldn't believe that that was what he wanted. In my mind, I believed that he was just kidding… that he still needed me at least a little bit. I had hope… because of him. There was no other reason.

It was a sunny day and was warm instead of cool. His family was well kept in… at least his mother was anyway. His father took him out on good days for training with some guards. On sunny days, I waited in the trees and kept track of who came out or went into the castle. He usually did at some point. When he did, I would wave to him before receiving a cold glance and nothing more. On rainy days, I waited anyway with hopes that maybe he would come outside… he only had once.

As I sat behind my bush, I waited with come excitement. I was always happy just seeing him, even from a distance. I had yet to be caught, and was sure that I never would be. That was at least until a voice sounded from behind me.

"What are you doing here, peasant?" a man asked from behind me.

My body went rigid before I looked backwards with my blue eyes. _'Uh oh… I've been caught.' _

"Uh… nothing?" I said nervously, almost asking him if that was what I was doing.

It was a guard making his rounds. _'I must have made some noise when I came here… Oh darn it.' _

A spear was pointed to my throat; making my heart pound in my chest.

"Should I just kill a vermin like you?"

"So I'm vermin now?" I asked rather coldly.

"Why you-"

"Leave her," another voice sounded from ahead of me, "She's not worth the time."

My heart sank at both the tone and the words.

"Master Sesshoumaru?" the guard questioned.

"A half breed is not worth being killed. Leave her," the voice stated again.

'_Is that really how he feels? Does he truly think that I'm not worth the light of day?' _

"I don't need your sympathy," I murmured, getting to my feet and walking around the guard.

My feet began to run somewhere – where I did not know – and before I knew it, I had found myself sitting behind our home hut.

That had been what made me start to doubt him.

_**Present **_

When I finally came to, I found myself lying in the same position as before. I was on my side with my arms in front of me. I had definitely been thrown. _'What the hell… is wrong with that bastard?' _I asked myself as I placed a cool hand on my forehead.

"So you're awake," his voice caught my attention.

'_He's back.' _At hearing Sesshoumaru's voice, I sat up almost immediately. Seeing him was certainly welcoming. He did come back and he looked as good as he always did.

"No, you know I'm still asleep," I said almost sarcastically but jokingly.

"Of course you are," he stated as he looked out over the ocean.

The waves were calm again with the lack of wind. The sound was soothing. _'I wonder if he can smell Jensuke's scent… Or if the wind blew the scent away…' _The thought almost made me worry. Sesshoumaru would be furious if he knew.

"I am, you just can't tell," I told him with a slight smirk.

"Then why would you be sitting if you were sleeping?" he asked, cocking a brow as he turned his golden orbs on me.

"Damn, I've been caught," I laughed slightly.

"It appears so," he stated before making his way over to me.

His footsteps were light on the ground; even in his boot like shoes. Why he wore them… I would never understand. Barefoot was the only way for me. If I had been told to be proper and wear something on my feet, I would have told them to _'screw off' _and walk away.

Sesshoumaru had his face tilted downward; why I did not know. He wasn't taking his gaze off me and inside… I enjoyed that. _'I wonder how he feels… He probably doesn't feel remotely close to how I feel… I'm probably just a child now.' _Inwardly, I laughed at the thought. Now that I really thought about it, there really was a large age difference.

"Hey Sesshoumaru," I started thoughtfully.

"Mm?"

"When we were younger… how come you became my friend?" I wondered curiously.

He seemed to smirk slightly at the question. Why was the question so funny?

"Such a childish question," he mused, shaking his head slightly, "but I suppose that it was because you were so different… You were intriguing to me."

Intriguing? Was that possible? For the lords to be curious about those who lived under them?

"A seven year old half bred female can be intriguing to a fourteen year old pure blooded demon?" I questioned his logic.

It just didn't seem right.

"It appears so," he stated simply.

"Yeah, all right," I laughed with doubt.

'_There must be more to it then that… I'm not intriguing.'_

…

_My breath is on your hair_

_I'm unaware_

_That you opened the blinds and let the city in_

_God, you held my hand_

_And we stand_

_Just taking in everything._

_And I knew it from the start_

_So my arms are open wide_

_Your head is on my stomach_

_And we're trying so hard not to fall asleep_

_Here we are_

_On this 18th floor balcony._

_We're both flying away._

…

While I wasn't paying attention, fingers took hold of my chin and pulled my head up slightly. Our eyes met and there was nothing happening except the stare.

"You know," I laughed, "I don't remember those marks ever being on your face."

"They haven't been there," he stated, his voice even, "They came shortly after you left and disappeared… I thought that because of them I would not be recognizable to you… Apparently I wasn't."

My eyebrows furrowed slightly at the thought. I never really thought about his appearance being any difference than it was. I assumed that I didn't want it to be. _'I think I like him this way more…'_

"It doesn't make you look that different," I said with a shrug, attempting to get my chin free.

That ended in failure.

"Then why could you not believe I was who I said I was?" Sesshoumaru challenged with a slight smirk.

I couldn't answer; causing me to blush slightly with my loss. _'If I had of known that you would look that way when you got older… then I would have never left the village at all…' _

--

He looked at her curiously, wondering what thoughts were going through her mind. He wondered if she had someone so close to her heart… like she was to him. If she had not left… then he would have surely chosen her for is mate.

"I may not approve of what you have done to yourself," he began with a kind of gentleness that he had never felt before, "but it has caused you to become quite a sight, Nina."

Inside, he smiled when he saw her blush deepen. That meant that she enjoyed the compliment… If only she had understood how protective he was of her… Of how much she truly meant to him.

"I think you're… crazy," she said quietly, moving her blood red eyes away from his golden ones.

"You may not believe it… but I certainly do," he told her as he bent down and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead.

How he wished he could have done that elsewhere…but he knew he was not permitted. He had another matter to deal with before he could truly explain everything of her abandonment. There was more… but it needed to wait a little while longer… She deserved at least that much. In fact… he believed that after all he had done to her, she still deserved more.

As he pulled away and released her chin, he could feel her confusion. Did she feel the same as he? Or was her heart set on someone else instead?

"W-why did you do that?" she asked with a slightly cocked brow.

"Of course… you may be too young for such things… to understand properly," he stated with a rather low tone, his eyes serious, "But once this matter is properly dealt with, then I will explain many things to you."

He couldn't understand her expression. It was like what he had done had hurt her in a way… that he had caused her pain. That thought led him to wonder. Did she have feelings for another? If that was the case… what would have been the reason in finding him again after nine years? He wished he could just ask his questions and make her his… Though the true problem needed to be gone.

--

I looked up at the lord with confusion as he placed a kiss on my forehead. It felt so right… but made me question him a little. What did that little kiss mean? Was it a farewell? Or did he feel the same as I did for him? Was that even possible?

"W-why… Why did you do that?" I questioned, blushing through my confusion.

I didn't understand… it simply made no sense at all.

"You could be too young to understand," his tone serious, "Once this matter is fully taken care of… then I shall fully explain."

'_What matter? Am I a bother to him? A thorn in his side?' _The way Sesshoumaru said it made it seem like something else was happening… something I didn't even have the chance to know about.

I didn't notice that Sesshoumaru's eyes narrowed slightly. I was caught in thought as he knelt down to look at me with a scrutinizing gaze.

"Nina, who was here last night?" his tone was almost threatening with his eyes.

'_Oh no… he picked up the scent…' _I could feel me heart beat increase at the thought. If Sesshoumaru knew… he wouldn't be happy at all. He **couldn't** know.

"A stray demon came through," I said with a slight shrug, "He left on his own."

I wasn't lying… just bending the actual truth.

"That was no stray demon," he stated rather coldly, "By the scent of him… he had power and intent."

"Well he left, so that's really all that matters," I stated, looking to the side to look at the slow moving waves on the ocean.

'_I wonder what he would say if I told him the complete truth… that I was giving up my life and freedom to save his soul.' _I smiled slightly at the thought. I thought it was rather ironic how I would still do anything for him even through my betrayal. _'I guess love truly is blind.' _

…

_So we talked about moms and dads_

_About family pasts_

_Just getting to know where we came from_

_Our hearts were on display_

_For all to see_

_I can't believe this is happening to me_

_And I raised my hand as if to show you that I was yours_

_That I was so yours for the taking_

_I'm so yours for the taking_

_That's when I felt the wind pick up_

_I grabbed the rail while choking up_

_These words to say and then you kissed me..._

…

I could believe that my heart truly did yearn for Sesshoumaru. Even after all this time, he still meant everything. He was the only person I had. I wasn't about to lose him to a heartless bastard or a demon that already had my human soul. That would never happen.

Sesshoumaru watched me intently for a moment before standing to his full height. There was definitely something he wasn't telling me. When we were younger, I could tell that there was a problem when he was constantly silent. At least when things were normal he would have said a few things and laughed a little. Would that still be the case now?

"Hey Sesshoumaru…" I started, my red eyes falling to the ground instead of his face.

"Mm?"

"Is there… something bothering you?" I wondered with a slightly cocked brow.

For a few moments things were silent and then he turned away from me.

"Why do you ask?" he questioned with a tone I didn't really understand.

"You're not really saying anything."

"Things have changed in the last nine years," he stated simply.

"Yeah," I murmured, staring at the ground, "You get used to never saying anything."

--

When she had asked that question, he needed to turn away. There was something wrong. There was **much** wrong. There was something telling him that Nina would be taken away from him… that he would lose her again. The demon that came the night before in his leave, was the demon that had taken her soul away. He could feel it in the pit of his stomach. There was much that was not right at the moment. He had another matter to deal with beforehand… how could he keep watch on her as well?

He knew that now he had found her again, he needed her with his entire being. Nina would be his and no others. That was what he wished anyway; he hoped for it. Ever since he had to abandon her, he knew that it had to be her… that he **loved** her.

--

* * *

It was mid afternoon as we sat in silence. The sun was in the mid sky, bringing its light and cool warmth. The wind was barely blowing and the waves below the cliff were actually calm for the most part. As I lay on my back, I had my eyes closed with my legs over the edge. Sesshoumaru was sitting against a tree in the shade. _'Oh I wonder where that fish did go. That fish, that fish, that fishy oh.' _I thought with severe boredom. Bad things happened when I got bored.

"I'll be back," I said with a sigh as I got to my feet.

"Where are you going?" his voice questioned from behind me.

My red eyes stared down at the waves below, watching their calmness.

"Down to the water," I stated with a smirk.

"I don't think you will," he stated, moving slightly.

Looking back at Sesshoumaru, I grinned widely.

"Well I'm bored," I mused, "So I think I will."

Before Sesshoumaru could reach me, I leapt off the top of the cliff side . There was a slight updraft against my feet as I went further away from the rocky cliff.

I knew that things would be fine. Sesshoumaru saved me before when he didn't know who I was. Now that he knew me, I was sure that he would do that same thing with less of a hesitance. This way, I was able to have my fun and be saved with assurance. I knew that he would definitely jump in after me. At least… I hoped he would. If he didn't, I would surely be a goner.

…

_I knew it from the start_

_So my arms are open wide_

_Your head is on my stomach_

_And we're trying so hard not to fall asleep_

_Here we are_

_On this 18th floor balcony..._

_We're both flying away._

_And I'll try to sleep_

_To keep you in my dreams_

_'til I can bring you home with me_

_I'll try to sleep_

_And when I do I'll keep you in my... dreams_

…

My feet hit the water first before my entire body was consumed by the water. I could feel myself being pushed forward by the waves… and I was sinking towards the bottom. _'This was what my life was like… constantly sinking into nothingness…' _

Ever since I had left the village nine years ago, I felt my heart was disappearing slowly. It felt like I was slowly sinking into numbness. But now… I had a reason to be lifted… to not be numb anymore. I could finally feel right again.

A hand took hold of my wrist; tightly gripping it. _'How does he seem to know where I am?'_ I was pulled to the surface before his strong arm tightened around my waist.

"What the hell are you thinking?" Sesshoumaru growled at me, pulling me out of the water.

"But I was bored," I stated with slightly furrowed eyebrows, "I had to do something."

"Not that," he nearly spat at me.

"Admit it," I laughed with a wide grin, "You care."

At first he didn't answer… but then he tossed me to the shore and pinned me to the cliff wall.

"**Never** test my desires by doing something so foolish," he threatened me, his claws tightening on my shoulders, "Otherwise you will find yourself in a position you do not desire to be in."

"Is it wrong to see if a friend truly cares if you're alive or not? Especially when you know if you ask and you won't get an answer?" I asked, glaring rather coldly towards him.

'_Is this how he does things? Threaten people or kill them to get his point across?' _My teeth clenched together slightly at the thought. Was he truly such an angry person like I had become? _'My best friend… what have you become?' _My eyes were cold as I stared at him. He was not the only one that could be intimidating.

"Is that truly a necessity?" he asked me; eyes narrowing slightly, "to know… to physically see that I care about your life?"

"It would be nice to see once in a while from someone," I hissed rather darkly, "Do you know what is it like to be completely alone for nine full years?"

I felt Sesshoumaru's grip loosen slightly. I knew that he cared. It showed time and time again. I hadn't tried to prove anything. I was just bored.

"No," he stated rather quietly, "I suppose I do not."

At those words, it almost felt like my heart had stopped. He wasn't alone out here… there **was **someone else here with him. The thought of him being with someone else truly tortured me. I did not come out here – searching – to walk away and be completely alone. _'I don't know what I would do if that was truly the case… I'm tired of sinking into nothingness…' _

…

_  
I knew it from the start_

_So my arms are open wide_

_Your head is on my stomach_

_And we're trying so hard not to fall asleep_

_So here we are_

_On this 18th floor balcony, yeah_

_I knew it from the start_

_My arms are open wide_

_Your head is on my stomach_

_No, we're not going to sleep_

_Here we are_

_On this 18th floor balcony... we're both.._

_Flying away_

…

I dropped my gaze away from Sesshoumaru at his words. His golden orbs watched me rather intently at my actions. _'What __**would**__ I do?' _I knew that things wouldn't work out if we ever tried anything. In four days I would be confined to servitude… There would be nothing after that point.

"Can we go now?" I asked rather quietly, "Or am I still being threatened?"

"No… You can go," he almost whispered.

Somehow Sesshoumaru almost looked sad to me. I didn't understand why the subject would bother him. Yes, I had been alone and he had not. What made that sad? **How** was that sad?

"I wasn't trying to prove anything Sesshoumaru," I explained as I turned my back to him.

"Then what were you trying to do?" he questioned from behind me.

"I really was just bored."

--

He wondered what had caused her to look away from him. She looked like she was hurt somehow… or ashamed in some way. Could it have been what he desired? That she truly had no one else? That she only had him?

No… that seemed rather hopeful. It could have been the truth, but it could have also been that it was only she that had been alone. It was the truth that he had not been completely alone. There was a place he always went back to from time to time after he paused from waiting. It was only in the thought that she would not come to the ocean… That she would not have been hopeful on that childhood dream that he acted as he had.

He didn't know how to solve his dilemma. He knew what he wanted and what he needed to do, but not how to properly solve it. One would have to understand while the other would have to accept…

He didn't know how to tell Nina that there was already a female in his life… and that Nina was the one he truly loved and desired.

**End of Chapter 4**

Hey again! So, how did you all like it? Was it good? Did the song fit? I really can't tell. o.O Oh well, lol, so long as you all liked it. That's what really matters to me. :D:D I'm really liking this fanfic, I'm having fun with it and can't wait to do the next chapter. It's gunna be my favorite chapter! Yay! So please R&R and I'll try to update as soon as I get the chance to. :3 thank you for reading!


	5. Partnership

Hey everyone

Hey everyone! I know that it hasn't been very long since I last updated this, but it's just about my favorite chapter. I **couldn't **wait to get this one out because it has a song that fits with it so well. Yay! Lol. Well thank you to all who have read and reviewed. I **really, REALLY** appreciate it. I hope you all enjoy this chapter. :3 :3 :D

… means lyrics

-- means switching point of views

**Partnership**

Night came rather quickly as we sat around a fire. Not much had been said after our argument when I jumped into the water. There was something bothering us both and it made me wonder if it was the same thing. _'Wouldn't it be nice if it was the same thing?'_ The thought was hopeful, but it didn't stop me from thinking it. I **needed **to know if there was someone he had his heart set on; if he already had someone. Even if the answer tore me apart on the inside, I still needed the answer.

My blood red eyes continued to glance at Sesshoumaru as she stared into the fire. Every time his face was still the same. _'I wonder what he is thinking about…'_

"Nina," his voice broke the silence, "If you have a question, then do ask."

"Who says that I have a question?" I asked with a slightly doubtful tone.

"You only glanced at me like this when you had something you needed to say," Sesshoumaru stated stoically.

His voice was quiet and almost… gentle. I didn't understand why.

"I do have something to ask, but I don't know how to say it," I stated, looking at the side with worried eyes.

There were many things I needed to know… but did I deserve the answers? Did I even have the right to ask?

"Then why did you deny that you had something to ask?" he questioned me with a slight smirk on his face.

"I never said that I didn't," I mused with my own smirk, "I just wondered on what made you ask."

"You've heard my answer," he stated, "Now ask your question."

…

_Is that seat taken?_

_Congratulations_

_Would you like to take a walk with me?_

_My mind it kind of goes fast_

_I try to slow it down for you_

_I think I'd love to take a drive_

_I want to give you something_

_I've been wanting to give to you for years_

_My heart_

…

I looked away from Sesshoumaru all the more with embarrassment. Such a stupid question it was to begin with. _'This will end with shouting…' _

"This is really none of my business," I stated with a nervous laugh, "I was just thinking… if whether or not you had mate or not…"

My voice was quiet with my words. Was it even the right thing to ask? _'What will I do if he does? Where will I go?'_

Sesshoumaru's golden orbs seemed to be wide with surprise. Did he even care about such a thing?

"I did not believe that you wondered about such things," he stated with what sounded like slight amusement.

"Does the question bother you?" I asked with a slightly cocked brow.

"Not at all," he mused slightly, "In fact, I have been wondering the same about you."

My eyes widened with surprise at his words. _'He was wondering if I had a mate as well?'_ It seemed slightly confusing. Why would he have reason to care about such a thing?

"It is surprising, isn't it?" he questioned as he rose to his feet and began to walk around the fire, "Or is it more intriguing to you?"

"I have no one," I whispered as I stared straight into his serious orbs, "I've been alone for a long time now. You know that…"

--

She had asked the very thing he needed to know. He had been questioning the very thing in his mind. Yes, she stated that she had been alone for nine years, but that did not mean she didn't have her heart set on someone. For her asking he was both surprised and a little relieved. He didn't know how he could have brought such a thing up so willingly. This way was much simpler.

He had to be amused when she asked. How happy he was to hear that she was curious about such a thing… He was delighted really.

"I never thought you would ask," he mused, "I thought I was the only one who was thinking about it."

He had to laugh inside when he saw the surprise on her face at his words. How innocent she seemed to make herself out to be.

Now was the time to tell her… to finally speak words left unsaid for nine years. Though he knew it wouldn't be so simple. There was always more to it than that.

"You know I have no one," he heard her murmur as she stared into his golden orbs.

He knew that he was serious about the matter. She was dearly important to his being… but she had to know what else he was hiding from her.

"I have not spent the last nine years alone," he started, eyebrows furrowing slightly, "A village not too far away has a female human there… We had crossed paths with each other."

He watched her eyes become hurt slightly and he didn't understand at the moment.

"She is not my mate, but we are together I suppose…" he finished off with a rather quiet tone.

--

…

_My heart, my pain won't cover up_

_You left me. hu hu hu hu_

_My heart won't take this cover up_

_You left me. hu hu hu hu_

_I came to see the light in my best friend_

_You seemed as happy as you'd ever been_

_My chance of being open was broken_

_And now you're Mrs. him._

...

'_I knew it.' _I told myself as my gaze fell away from him. I should have known but didn't… Now I regretted it greatly. The subject should never have been brought up.

"Oh…" I murmured, rubbing my left arm with my right hand.

'_What should I say to him? I don't know at all… Should I say that I'm happy for him?' _My blood red eyes wouldn't meet his golden ones and I bit my lip slightly.

"I guess… I-I'm…" I couldn't finish my sentence.

There was no way that I could lie to him. I wasn't happy for him. I wasn't happy for her either.

'_I… I feel like my heart is being crushed… why? Why does it hurt so damn much?' _I asked, closing my eyes tightly. I could feel my heart breaking… knowing that I was being foolish for hoping. I knew already that there was no one that cared.

"I… I hope you're happy," I whispered with a small smile before getting to my feet.

I started to walk away before his hand grabbed my wrist. _'I'm such an idiot…' _

"Where are you going?" he asked me with a gentle, worried tone.

"On a walk," I stated, feeling my heart breaking under the pressure, "I need to think."

With that, I pulled my hand away and began running to get as far away as possible.

…

_My words they don't come out right_

_But I'll try to say I'm happy for you_

_I think I'm going to take that drive_

_I want to give you something_

_I've been wanting to give to you for years_

_My heart_

…

* * *

Later into the night, I stopped somewhere in the forest. My mind and heart continued to race. It had been hours since I had seen or heard anything from Sesshoumaru. I knew that running away was stupid… but I needed to get far away. I could still feel my heart breaking in my chest. If that was how it felt for me… then I didn't was to know what it felt like with my human soul.

As I sat down against a tree trunk, I buried my face into my palms. _'What am I doing? Why… why did I run away like that? Why couldn't I just say I was happy for him?' _I furrowed my eyebrows together as I crossed my legs in the short grass. Was that all it took to run away? To… to abandon someone close to you?

"Maybe because I'm not," I murmured into my palms.

I knew that I wasn't happy only because it was someone else and not me. _'Such a selfish reason…' _My eyebrows furrowed at the thought. Was that what became of love? Jealousy… Was that all it came out to be?

"I should have just been happy for him," I told myself, gripping my black bangs.

What kind of person was I?

--

Why had she run away from him? Why had she left him like that? He stared at the trees with his golden orbs. There had to be a reason, because there always was. The reason may have been transparent… but it was still there.

"What have I done?" he questioned himself.

He was the lord… he never questioned himself. Was that what love did? Did it make you question everything you had ever learned? Was that all it was?

"No," he murmured while shaking his head slightly, "I do not question what I have done."

Yes, there had been doubt at this present time… doubt when he had decided his path… but at the moment, he had no doubt in his feelings for her. He had shared little with the female at the village and much with Nina. His Nina was still there, he could see her behind those blood red eyes. This Nina was still his Nina.

The female at the village had no sense of freedom. She was nothing but a noble woman that would wait patiently for his return each time her left her. He needed that freedom from such a being; such a... **princess**. Yes, she was kind and caring… but she believed that he was always right. She had no personality… this other woman.

He sighed as he looked up at the dark night sky. What had he done? Why did everything he'd do seem to cause her nothing but pain? Nina didn't deserve any more pain. He knew that much.

"Where have you gone Nina?" he asked, closing his golden orbs.

He felt so lifeless without her beside him… and he was tired of feeling cold hearted.

So he went after her.

--

Rain started to fall from the dark sky as I sat alone. How I didn't enjoy being alone anymore. I had re-tasted friendship and enjoyed it too much for me to believe.

"But how… can I face him?" I asked myself as tears welled up in my eyes.

I hated myself for what I had done. I couldn't believe that I had run away like I had. _'Idiot… You're so stupid!' _I screamed at myself as I clutched my bangs tightly.

"How could I possibly… tell him the truth?" I whispered to myself.

Was I just jealous? Was that even possible for something like me? _'I'm nothing but a stupid fool.'_

"Tell who the truth?" his voice questioned from in front of me.

My body tensed at the sound of his voice. It easily broke through the sound of the pouring rain around us. _'Why… why did he come after me?' _My eyebrows furrowed at the silent question.

"What do you want?" I asked coldly, wiping the tears from my eyes before I looked directly at him.

"To know why you ran away," he stated with an almost… gentle tone.

I didn't understand his expression or his tone, but I knew that Sesshoumaru was determined.

…

_My heart, my pain won't cover up_

_You left me.. hu hu hu hu_

_My heart_

_My heart won't take this cover up_

_You left me.. hu hu hu hu_

…

My blood red eyes locked with his golden orbs as the rain continued t pour. _'…Because I love you._

"I got mad, so I left," I stated as I crossed my arms, "That was all there was to it."

"You always were bad at lying," he stated as he took a step towards me.

"Just because you can smell it," I scoffed.

"You don't shed tears when you get angry, Nina," Sesshoumaru stated quietly as he knelt down in front of me.

"Of course you would know," I scoffed again, turning my gaze away from him, "I was pissed off not too long ago."

A hand took hold of my arm and I was pulled to my feet unwillingly. _'What is running through your head right now?' _I wondered as his golden orbs stared at me intently.

I looked up at him with slightly narrowed eyes.

"Tell me why you are shedding tears Nina," his voice was gentle but still held its demand.

'_I can't…' _

"Why does it matter?" I asked, closing my eyes.

"It matters because you matter," he stated as his wet silver bangs fell forward on his forehead.

The rain continued to pour and soak both of us to the bone. It was continuous… almost unending in the awkwardness.

"You're only saying that," I stated, dropping my eyes from his gaze, "Since when has anyone cared about Nina Hanaki?"

At my words, Sesshoumaru's face almost seemed hurt. I didn't understand why. _'Nobody ever seemed to care. Nobody but you…' _At the thought, more tears began to well up in my eyes.

"Damn it," I hissed at myself, about to wipe them off my already wet cheeks.

Before I could, a warm hand was already there to wipe them away.

"There may not have been many," Sesshoumaru stated rather quietly, "but I know that what happened to you always mattered to me."

I paused for a moment and looked at him intently. _'I knew that you always cared… but I just wish that it was more than in a friendship way…' _My expression became solemn at the thought. Such a thing… couldn't possibly happen.

"Nine years ago… I don't think I could have believed that," I whispered, looking Sesshoumaru directly in the eye.

"I'm aware," he murmured, "Now tell me what makes this occasion so different."

What did make this occasion any different? Yes, he had a female already… but then I had been horribly betrayed. Was this time worse… or the same? In both cases my heart felt like it was being crushed in his palm. Why was he the only one with the power to do it?

"I was seven when you left me there," I started to explain, looking him in the eye, "I'm sixteen now. Then it felt just as horrible as it does now. Except… I don't know which one is worse. Because wither way… I feel like I've been betrayed."

--

He looked at her intently as she explained how she was feeling at the moment. He knew what she had felt when he had abandoned her nine years ago; betrayal.

What was so special about now? Why would she feel betrayed of all things? He had a female when his heart truly belonged to the sixteen year old that stood before him… Was that why? Did she feel about him just as he did for her? Could that have possibly been the reason?

"I feel like I've been betrayed in so many ways and I don't understand why," she stated, throwing her free hand up slightly as the rain came down, "I wasn't there. I shouldn't be expecting you to be standing here and saying things that I want to say."

His brows furrowed slightly at her words. What was she trying to say to him with that tone?

"Sesshoumaru… Sesshoumaru, I'm sorry," she apologized as she rested her head against his chest armor, "I can't help it."

The smell of salty water came up with the scent of the rain. He could smell it… She was crying.

"What can't you help?" he asked, wrapping his other arm around her.

He felt her hands take a tight hold of the shoulders of his hoari.

"Nina?" he questioned.

"I love you," she whispered into his chest armor.

His golden orbs widened slightly at those words. They were what he longed to hear. Hearing it from her seemed to mean so much more than it did when the other female had spoken them. For that… he actually seemingly felt guilty. He was in love with the girl that he was not with.

--

I clutched at his hoari tightly. My heart was racing in my chest and I couldn't calm it down. I needed to tell him… I knew I had to before it completely ate away at me. _'I have to tell him…' _

"I love you, Sesshoumaru," I whispered into his chest.

I didn't care whether he had heard me or not. The point was that I said it at all. _'I'll be free of this kind of torture.' _

…

_And I can't change this_

_I can never take it back_

_But now I can't change your mind_

_(You left me)_

_And I can't take this_

_I can never take this back_

_But now I can't change your mind_

_can't change your mind_

…

He didn't respond for a few moments, but his grip tightened around my waist. I didn't know how he felt about me… how he felt in return… but at least he understood why I did what I did.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, furrowing my eyebrows at myself, "I can't help it anymore…"

Sesshoumaru looked down at me and pulled me off of him slightly. His golden orbs held something that almost seemed like tenderness. Our eyes met and I couldn't understand what was going through his head at the moment. My tears had long since stopped… Once I had told him, the tears suddenly stopped. _'Was it just out of relief?' _I wondered as I couldn't unlock our gazes.

"Sesshoumaru I-"

I was cut off before I could finish. His lips had captured mine so suddenly that it felt like my heart had stopped beating all the more at my confusion. All the same… I couldn't force myself to pull away from him.

My heart was erratic in my chest before he pulled away from me. I couldn't hold back the pleasure from my face. A blush was present.

"I have waited far too long to do that," he whispered, tightening his hold on my shoulders.

"What do you mean _'waited'_?" I questioned with a cocked brow, "Don't you have someone?"

He must have known that I would have been confused by his actions. He had said that he wasn't alone, and now this happens. It didn't make any sense to me.

"I do have a female," he admitted quietly, resting his forehead against mine, "but my feelings for her compared to you… there is hardly no need to compare. You would be my choice from the very beginning."

'…_The beginning? What does he mean by the beginning?' _

"I have **always** loved you," he told me gently, "It was because of this that I had to do something so regrettable."

"I don't… I don't get it," I stated, furrowing my eyebrows again.

How could one not be confused at this?

Sesshoumaru stood back to his full height and turned slightly to the side. What was going through his head? What had he been hiding from me this entire time? What else was there to tell?

"Nine years ago… my mother truly had threatened to kill you if we were together any longer," he started with narrowed eyes and furrowed brows, "but not truly for the reason I had spoken of before."

_**Nine years ago…**_

He stood at the door in front of him. It was fully closed and beyond it awaited his ill mother. He had been called for from a servant… her personal servant.

"What does mother want?" he questioned with a cocked eyebrow.

Unlike his father, his mother was stricter on his behavior. When she had heard that there was a slight possibility that he had been with a half bred peasant, there was no end to her lecture.

He had been spending more and more time with his younger friend. And at his age, he could understand his emotions well enough to know what that half bred little girl meant to him. He knew fully what she meant to his being… how much he depended on seeing her.

Slowly, he opened the door and silently stepped into the quiet room. His mother sat in a wondrous pink silk kimono covered in blue flowers. Her black hair hung down around her porcelain skin and framed her small face. Even in her state, she was quite beautiful.

"You called for me mother?" he questioned as he bowed politely.

"Yes," she stated pleasantly, "I have heard from a guard that he had seen you playing with that half breed again… Is this true?"

He clenched his palms at the question. Why was the concept such a problem? He had made an important friend… why did such a thing matter to someone who would not live to see him as a ruler?

"Yes mother," he replied emotionlessly, "I have done as you have said."

"Did I not make myself clear the last time?" she asked, her tone agitated.

"She is but a friend, mother," he continued, "Nothing would become of her."

That was a lie. He knew what would happen once she was old enough… He knew what he wanted.

"You should discontinue your lies Sesshoumaru," she told him through cold eyes, "I know of your expressions towards her. The guard has told me of how… gentle you are with her."

He looked at his mother with cold eyes as well. He did not care what she thought on the circumstance. He knew what he wanted, and he knew what he would do when the time came.

"Yes mother, I love that child," he stated with a fierce gaze, "I do not plan on changing that fact any time soon."

He turned t leave the room but stopped when he heard laughter.

"My dear son," she mused slightly, "Either you leave her be, or the guards will kill her instead. Which would you rather see? …Her die? Or watch her live for another day?"

His fists clenched tightly all the more at her words.

"If that is the case…" he murmured, "then I will leave her."

His mother's opinion wouldn't matter when she was no longer amongst the living. He just hoped that his choice would take him back when that time came.

_**Present**_

He told his side of the story… he told the entire truth about the abandonment. It made his heart clench slightly in his chest. The memory alone upset him greatly. His mother had been so controlling and demanding… it was no wonder that he decided to rebel against her. He never did enjoy being told what to do by other people.

"I had no choice," he murmured, avoiding her gaze "When both of them died, I came to find you… and I found her along the way."

Her eyes looked up at him – slightly wide – and he could see it from the corner of his eye.

"I only chose out of fear of never seeing you again," he continued, "Half breeds don't usually live for very long on their own..."

Then he saw her gaze drop slightly. He knew that she hadn't really been given a choice on what she did. It had been suffer… or change. Even he understood that.

--

I turned my gaze to the ground solemnly. _'If he had of just told me then… then I wouldn't have left like that… He could have told me at least something.' _

"Why… didn't you just tell me about her?" I asked with furrowed eyebrows, "Why didn't you just tell me that your mother was doing that? I could have stayed at the village and…"

"There are a lot of _'what ifs' _in life, Nina," Sesshoumaru whispered as he turned towards me, "I wasn't going to take that risk. I loved you then, Nina, and I love you now."

…

_(You left me)_

_Can't change you mind_

_(You left me)_

_(You left me)_

_(You left me)_

_(You left me)_

_Go away_

_Make it go away_

_Please._

…

Again his lips captured mine. The kiss was gentle and soft… I couldn't describe how it felt in the proper words. As he pulled away, I looked up at him with furrowed brows.

"You're being cruel," I whispered.

'_What about that other female? How would she feel if…' _

"I know, but I'm not sorry," he told me gently, "You were mine nine years ago… she will just have to understand."

What if that girl had her heart broken by this? What if she had her heart set on Sesshoumaru alone? Or was this alright?

"What is there… to understand?"

**End of Chapter 5**

So… how was it? I exceeded my bedtime to get this out and I'm really tired so you all better be really happy with it! Or else I threaten you. xD Lol. No, I don't, but I hope you all liked this chapter none the less. Thank you for reading, I hope you all enjoyed it and thought that the song fit well with it. It was _**Congratulations **_by _**Blue October. **_Wooness all the way! Please R&R and I'll try to update as soon as I get the chance to. :3 :D


	6. PentUp

Hey everyone! I know that it's kind of been a while since I last updated but school's over now! And that means that I can write all I want this summer and update a lot more. :3 That makes me really happy. Lol. I'm sorry that this chapter isn't as long as the last one but I hope that it's still good enough for you all. :D Thank you to all of those who have read and reviewed so far. You all make me really happy. I hope that you all enjoy my new chapter. :3

… means lyrics

-- means switching point of views

**Pent-Up**

I could feel my heart pounding in my chest as I had to look away from Sesshoumaru. He wasn't being fair to her… and that upset me a lot. Were we both just being selfish? Had we been that way the entire time? _'I think that we have…' _My face became solemn slightly and then I felt his hand touch my cheek gently.

"What do you mean Nina?" Sesshoumaru asked me with a quiet tone.

I knocked his hand away from my face and looked at him with furrowed brows.

"What about **her** Sesshoumaru?" I asked with a slightly raised tone, "She could love you and you would break her heart just like that?"

Of course I could be angry. If he would do that to me then I would have been completely heartbroken… I wouldn't want that for anyone.

"I cannot help it if I have been after you since I was fourteen; that I believed that you had died in that eight year time frame," he told me rather sternly; almost coldly.

My eyes widened slightly. Eight years… he had known her for a year…

"And that makes it mine?" I asked with furrowed brows, "How is that **my **fault that **you **pushed me away? How the hell was I supposed to know what you were doing?"

I was seething now, which meant that I wasn't about to fight fair.

"I never said that Nina," he told me.

"Well that's what you're implying!" I hissed, taking a step away from him.

He grabbed my wrist tightly before pulling me back to him. He embraced me tightly and I started to struggle against him.

"Damn it! Let me go Sesshoumaru!"

The demon lord's grip tightened all the more at my words. _'What is he doing? What… what is he thinking?' _My hands grabbed his sides in an attempt to push him away; my claws digging slightly into his skin.

"You say that you love me," he murmured, "Yet you're denying my feelings in return. Are you truly that concerned about how she feels when she hears the news?"

His voice was quiet and… questioning. Didn't he care at all?

"It's not fair to her Sesshoumaru," I told him, still trying to push away from him, "What if she loves you and you're breaking her heart? What if… what if you do to her exactly what you did to me?"

--

When he heard her say that… it almost felt like his heart had stopped. He had never thought of that; that he might cause someone else the same kind of pain. He just assumed that it didn't matter because he loved the younger girl in front of him. She was all that had mattered to him. The day he met her, he knew that she would be special… that she would change everything for him.

At the thought, he almost found himself laughing to himself. She was such a child then. Yet at the same time, she was as grown up as he. She had known how to defend and kill for herself. She didn't need to depend on others.

As he felt her struggle against him, he rested his head on the top of hers. This moment in the rain would be different from the last. He would not abandon her. He refused to.

"Stop!" she hissed again, pushing against his sides.

His blood was on her claws… they were digging into his skin as they tried to push him away.

"You're right, Nina," he murmured to her, closing his eyes, "I'm not being fair to her."

"I know you're not," she stated rather coldly.

"But I have also not been fair to you," he continued, "Nor to myself."

Her struggles stopped for a moment at his words and he could tell that he had caught her attention.

"I did not wish to mate with that human female, and I still do not. I suppose she was only chosen because she was royalty," he explained, furrowing his brows slightly.

If his mother had known that, it would have made her pleased. She always had hated his little half bred friend.

--

I stopped struggling against him, loosening my grip on his sides. He had let me hurt him… I could smell his blood even through the rain. _'Why would he do that?' _I was confused as I looked up at him. This woman… she was a princess?

"You mean… she's not your mate?" I questioned with a cocked brow.

"I have yet to touch her in such a way," he stated, his tone almost insulted, "Her words have been spoken… She had wished for such a thing, but I needed to know, so I refused."

My eyes were rather solemn as my brows furrowed. _'She wants him… but for what reason? She is so willing… but is it for love? Or does she only want him to bring peace between the western demons and humans?' _I was confused and it made me wonder… who wouldn't be?

"Do you hate them?" I asked quietly, "the humans?"

I had been human once… would that mean that he partially hated me as well?

"I did not hate you, Nina," he stated rather gently, "but they are a filthy race… a weak race. They are like vermin taking over one's home."

His voice was thoughtful with his words.

My mother had been human and my father the demon. We had been poor, just like anyone else in the village. There were many of us though, living in that same village. Naturally we had been resented; my father and I. My mother was welcome anywhere, while my father and I weren't. It had been simple to just wander around the forest and the outskirts of the village. If no one could find you, then they couldn't bother you.

Sesshoumaru's arms released me and I backed away a bit. My red eyes were solemn as they looked at the ground. Until I knew that this other woman wouldn't care, then I didn't want to intrude on their relationship. _'I'm not going to let someone else get hurt. It's not like… I can be with him anyway…'_ I only had one more day… that wasn't a very long time for anything.

…

_I lost a piece of my in you; _

_I think I left it in your arms. _

_I forget the reasons I got scared, _

_But remembered that I cared quite a lot._

_You see but lately I've been on my own._

_Yeah one, but one by choice. _

_You see, that's a first for me, _

_And now I realize for once, _

_It's just me. _

_It's just me. _

_It's just me. _

…

Through the pouring rain, I sat down against a tree trunk that was a little ways away.

"What are you doing Nina?" he asked me.

"Ending the conversation," I stated emotionlessly, "I'm tired, so we'll finish talking in the morning."

It was tired of hearing the same conversation. I needed something else running through my head that wouldn't make me get lost. After nine years… this was the most exciting time that ever happened to me.

--

He stood there and watched her as she closed her eyes. When had she become such a demanding child? When did she realize that she had a right to demand or want things? She had always stayed quiet when she wished for something. Her family had been poor, so she never asked for anything because she knew she couldn't have it.

_**Ten years ago… **_

They sat outside together, watching the starry night sky. She was propped up on her elbows as she leaned back and looked up. He loved to be with her like this… just sitting together at night. She meant so much to him… he swore that if he had to, he would die for her.

"Sesshoumaru?" he voice broke through the night's silence.

"Hm?" he replied as he lay on his back.

"What do you want the most?" she asked; her tone serious.

His golden orbs widened slightly at the question. She had never asked such a question to him… nor had anyone.

He knew what he wanted and what he hated. He wished that she wouldn't rush into a fight; that she wouldn't attack and get hurt anymore. He hated seeing her get wounded in any way.

"To be able to spend more time with you within each day," he murmured as he looked towards her slightly smiling face.

"That would be nice," she agreed with a smile.

"What about you, Nina?" he questioned.

She seemed to grin at the question and he didn't know why. Sometimes she made him wonder.

"I want to see the ocean," she admitted rather quietly, "I bet it's really nice there."

"It probably smells bad," he murmured.

He didn't want to have the smell of salt burning his nose.

"Maybe," she laughed, "You never know."

Nina's voice sounded almost sad with those words and he had caught it all. It was what she wanted – the only thing she had ever told him willingly – and he had basically said that he wouldn't go with her.

"How about we go together Nina?" he asked with a light tone.

He needed her to be happy. He wouldn't stand for her to be sad.

"Would you want that?" he continued curiously.

…

_And I'll find a way to make it, _

_There's no one left to stop me. _

_Here I go. _

_Can we take it from the top?_

_So why so long?_

_So sad, I wanna be strong. _

_Don't try to take this from me. _

_I've already spent my life living half undone. _

_So why so lone? _

_So sad, I wanna be strong. _

_Don't try to take this from me_

_I've already spent my life living half undone._

…

He had drawn her attention with surprise in her eyes.

"I wouldn't want to go anywhere without you beside me," she agreed with a wide smile.

He watched her fall onto her back beside him. Her hand took a gentle grasp on a small lock of his soft silver hair.

"I think it would be just like you," she whispered, "the ocean…"

Her blue eyes stared up into the endless sky. They didn't widen as he took hold of her hand. He did it often. Then he pulled the soft skin to his lips before gently kissing the top of her wrist.

"One day Nina," he promised, "We'll see it one day."

_**Present**_

He remembered that day so clearly in his mind. It was a favorite out of many. Silently, he made his way to beside her and sat down against the trunk. He wished that things were still that simple; so easy. She had never been hurt by him until the day he had left her… but now she knew why. It was his feelings for her that made him push himself away. He would have lived alone if it meant that she would be safe.

Now… now he was just afraid that she was going to do the same to him.

--

* * *

Morning seemed to come too fast. I didn't want to open my eyes… if I opened them then I knew that this would be my last day with him. I didn't want it to be my last day… I wanted to stay with him, but what choice did I have? Give Jensuke Sesshoumaru's one and only soul to balance out my human one? Or become a servant to save Sesshoumaru's one and only soul? Naturally I would choose the latter.

My head was leaning to the right and was resting against something sturdy. _'What is that?' _I wondered with confusion. I couldn't do it; I couldn't open my eyes to ruin it. I didn't want to wake up yet.

"You can open you r eyes, Nina," his voice broke through the morning silence.

'_No… I don't want to…'_ Slowly, I opened my blood red eyes and saw the blurry trees in front of me.

The sun was out – I noticed – and it was drying the wet trees and short grass. _'Why id his voice so close?' _I wondered with even more confusion. The morning was never really a good time for me.

"How tired are you?" he asked me, his voice gentle.

"It's morning," I stated with slightly furrowed brows, "You know that it's my enemy."

"Of course it is," he mused rather quietly.

I lifted my head and looked to see what my head had been resting on. I saw pale red flowers and silver hair… _'Was that? No… it can't be…' _

Before I could react, I felt his hand on my cheek and he seemed to pull me closer to him.

"What are you-"

His lips cut me off as they claimed mine rather gently. _'What is he doing? He has to stop!' _My hands pushed off his chest to break the kiss and he had surprisingly let me.

"Stop doing that!" I hissed, using the back of my right hand to wipe away the feeling.

Of course it was still there… burning my lips with desire.

"My sincere apologies," he apologized without regret in his tone.

'_Such a bad liar…' _I pulled away from him and got to my feet.

…

_I've been talking to my aunts and uncles, mom and dad again. _

_I've been finding that I have what this world calls friends. _

_I've tried to push them all away, _

_They push bad and wanna stay_

_And that's one good thing I have. _

_I'm gunna feel peace in me, _

_I'm gunna feel at home_

…

I didn't know what to do. This was my last day with him… what** was **there to do?

"You can't keep doing that," I murmured, turning my head away from him, "I'm not going to continue being selfish."

There seemed to be a slight chuckle from him before his arm wrapped around the front of my waist.

"What have you ever been selfish?" he questioned, holding me against him tightly.

"A lot since quite recently," I muttered mostly to myself.

"It seems that I have been far more selfish than you," he whispered into my ear.

"You're bad at lying."

"I refuse to lower myself to such standards," he stated rather coldly.

I **had **been selfish in wanting Sesshoumaru. I had loved him as of late and I didn't want to let him go. But I knew – I knew all too well – that he couldn't do this to that princess… It wasn't right. What was right seemed to be more important than what I wanted.

My blood red eyes stared forward as I looked into the trees. I couldn't look at him. I didn't want to lose. _'I have to get away from him… I can't do this…' _

"Why are you so persistent?" I asked him through narrowed eyes, "You know that it's wrong… that we can't be together. You have made a promise to be with her, and I suggest that you don't break it."

My tone was cold as I pulled away from him. I wouldn't last the day… I needed to get away **now**. _'I can't do it… I can't take it… the pain is hard to bear…' _I clenched my teeth slightly at the thought. This wasn't fair in any way. Nine years apart… six days together… Had it all been worth it at all? Had I been worth it at all?

"Where are you going?" his voice asked from behind me.

…

_I'm gunna make this cloud above me disappear, be gone. _

_I wanna feet a punch inside, my heart beat on the floor. _

_I don't wanna hurt no more. _

_Yeah it's just me. _

_It's just me_

_And I'll find a way to make it. _

_There's no one left to stop me._

_Here I go, can we take it from the top? _

…

I hadn't realized that my feet had already started to move.

"I need a walk," I murmured solemnly, "I don't know when I'll come back."

I bit my lip as I could sense his confusion.

"Nina-"

"Goodbye Sesshoumaru," I whispered before walking deeper into the forest.

--

He didn't understand. He didn't know why she had said it that way… like he was never going to see her again. He wanted to follow her… to grab her and make her stay with him. It really did seem like she was going away forever.

His feet wouldn't move… he couldn't make them go after her.

"Nina…" he whispered, eyebrows furrowing slightly.

Would she come back? Would he be able to see her again? Would she be the same the next time he got to see her?

Or… had all this waiting been for nothing? Nine years apart… six days together… He didn't think that such circumstances were fair for them. Didn't they deserve their own happiness? To share it with one another?

So many questions flowed through his mind in those few moments and her knew that he was alone once again. He didn't know if she would really come back to him… He needed to wait a few days before leaving. Things would be set straight.

--

I walked through the trees and out of the corner of my eye I could see Jensuke standing there. His arms were crossed as her leaned against a tree trunk with a smirk on his face.

"That was very well done, Nina," Jensuke laughed, "I must say that I am surprised at you."

"Shut up," I stated as I walked by him.

'_He has no idea how bad it was… How could he __**ever**__ understand?' _He came up behind me and took hold of my shoulders to stop me.

"You must be in pain. I can feel your heart clenching… it must be just as bad for you," Jensuke mused into my ear, "I wonder how he must feel… How **betrayed** he must feel. Or what kind of thoughts are going through his head."

My jaw clenched tightly at his words. Why was he such a bastard?

"Shut up!" I growled as I bared my fangs hatefully.

Jensuke chuckled into my ear darkly.

"Come now little Nina. We shall go play a game."

* * *

It had only been a week since I had admitted to my servitude to Jensuke. It was sad to me, but rather worth it. Sesshoumaru was alive and that was all that mattered… no matter how much suffering I was going through.

Jensuke had me running errand after errand for him. My claws were ever more stained with the blood of others. It was bad before… but now it was ten times worse. I had to go into a village every day and night. I had just come back from a village and dry blood was all over my claws. Dry splatters and streams were on my cheeks.

"A monster," I murmured, narrowing my eyes as I sat in my dark chamber.

The door was locked and there was no escape for me. I knew that well enough.

My blood red eyes looked up at the ceiling as the silence surrounded me. There were a few others under the will of Jensuke, but they did their work willingly. I was against my will, but it was still a fair exchange. _'You're nothing but a monster in this hateful place… I belong here because of all the things I have done.' _

The silence was like frozen torture; a constant reminder that I was alone again. I hated it. I had enjoyed being with Sesshoumaru but not just because I loved him… but because he was my best friend and that meant that I wasn't alone anymore. This last week changed that considerably. I was alone then and now… what was left of me anymore? Where had everything inside me gone?

Where was the Remorse? The Guilt? Where had my conscience gone? When had I lost it?

…

_So why so long? _

_So sad, I wanna be strong_

_Don't try to take her from me. _

_I've already spent my life living half undone. _

_So why so long? _

_So sad, I wanna be strong. _

_Don't try to take her from me. _

_I've already spent my life living half undone. _

_I used to be the one who won before. _

_I used to smile but don't no more. _

_I'm living just to watch it all go by._

…

Or more importantly… when would I get it back?

**End of Chapter 6**

Hey again! So, did you all like it? Did the song fit? I hope that it did. xD Lol. Thanks again for reading, please R&R and I'll try to update as soon as I can. :3


	7. Soulless

Hey everyone! How have you all been since I last updated? Good? Yeah? Okay. :3 Lol. And I have some very unfortunate news… _**this is the last and final chapter of Silver Sliver. **_I know, it's really, really depressing. At least I think it is because I really liked this fanfic. _sweat drops _

So because it is the last chapter, I want to thank everyone who read and reviewed all the more. You all make me so happy. :3 :D I really appreciate it, I really do. I spent like three days straight writing this chapter, and it's the longest I think. xD Anyway, thanks again, and I hope that you all enjoy the last chapter. :3

… means lyrics

-- means switching point of views

**Soulless**

Claws ripped through the human flesh, sending blood around the wound. It had been a fatal wound, so the man was no longer a man… but a dead body. Next was neither man nor woman nor horse. Next was a child, standing not too far away. They were cowering against a hut wall; retreating from this beast. Who would have blamed them for wanting to hide?

A high pitched cream filled the frightened air from the child. The beast winced at the annoying sound. How it hurt the ears.

"Shut up," it hissed, cracking its claws; blood dripping from them.

The child began to whimper now – clearly frightened – as they knew they were trapped… that they were about to die.

"M-mommy," the child whimpered, small streams going down their cheeks.

No… mommy wouldn't help. Mommy **couldn't** help. She was no long amongst the living.

"M-mommy," the whimpered again, slamming their eyes shut.

"You'll see her in a moment,' the beast promised, smirking darkly.

She was dead… and in a moment they would be too.

"I promise you that."

Blood flew across the beast's face and clothes. Its claws were stained with the smell and colour… forever tainted.

This was what I had become. I was no longer me at all… but an uncaring demon.

* * *

It had been over a month. I didn't know exactly how much time had passed, but I knew that that was approximately the amount of time lost. Who knew… maybe it was longer.

I had become more angry and violent. My dark temptations seemed to be taking over me again, much like when I first became a demon. Many things didn't make sense anymore either. What was right made so much more sense then than it did now. I couldn't remember why I was here, or why I was to obey Jensuke of all people. I remembered that I hated him and that I feared him… but that was all. What was I missing? Where was the thing that was missing? Why hadn't it come back yet? What was it waiting for?

I couldn't make sense of it as I stared at my blood covered claws with furrowed brows. It used to make sense… I **knew** that it did. Just like how I knew I used to count how many villages got destroyed… how many wounds I had received before I returned. But now… what was counting? Did I know how anymore? Did I know anything other than killing?

When would I get my missing thing back?

--

He left the chamber that the woman had requested that he have. How long had be been in this place? It seemed like forever to him, but he knew that it wasn't because the woman was still there.

"Lord Sesshoumaru," a young girl's voice called to him.

He paused in his steps and looked back with frozen eyes. He had no use for the human female; not any other human. He didn't seem to care about anything anymore. **She** wasn't with him, so why should he have cared?

"I'm sorry, b-but my lady wishes to speak with you," the small girl stated as she stared down at the floor with fright.

He scared so many now.

His hoari changed to white with darker red flowers on the left shoulder and the sleeves. He had armor now and his obi was yellow with a blue design. It must have been a while since **she** left him… His half bred brother had lost his own mother and was now left alone as well… such a pitiful sight.

"Is it a necessity?" he questioned emotionlessly.

His amber orbs watched the female intensely. He no longer cared for what that woman wished.

"She says that it is my lord," the girl stated, still not looking at him.

He was glad. He didn't want any female of that age watching him like **she** had.

"Very well," he agreed reluctantly.

He knew that he didn't have a choice. It was time for that woman to understand. He would not mate with her.

"Next time do not disturb me," he stated icily as he walked past the girl to go to the princess's chamber.

It had been long enough.

--

I waited thoughtlessly in the dark chamber. Maybe it hadn't been a month… maybe it had been months… maybe years in its place. I didn't know anymore. I knew nothing anymore.

"Nina, the master calls," one of Jensuke's underlings called from the other side of the locked door, "He wishes to speak with you."

Not my master. I had no master.

…

_Memories consume_

_Like opening the wound_

_I'm picking me apart again_

_You all assume_

_I'm safe here in my room_

_Unless I try to start again_

…

My jaw clenched at the idea of Jensuke being my master. I loathed the lowly bastard. As I got to my feet, the locked door slid open and my blood red eyes glared at lime green ones.

"You know the drill," the man stated with a bored tone.

My long black hair fell down my back as I stood properly. It had grown even longer since my imprisonment.

"Why do you hate us all so much?" he questioned as he chained my wrists together.

I had known why he continued to use them. I had gone wild once in the beginning, nearly killing him and I had almost got my claws on Jensuke. He wouldn't make that mistake twice.

"Shut up," I growled threateningly.

"You'd be fun to play with if you weren't so angry," he teased as he looked back at me with a lustful look in his eyes.

"I told you to shut up," I growled again, baring my fangs.

This one was annoying to me. He was so… perverted and lustful. I don't know how many women he brought back before killing them.

"I was only kidding," he sighed as we reached Jensuke's door, "No need to get defensive."

"Keep up the attitude and I'll be sure to kill you for certain next time," I stated hatefully before the door was opened and I was pushed in.

I didn't stumble as the door shut behind me. I finally stopped falling on my own feet.

"There you are Nina," Jensuke mused as he turned away from his window to look at me, "I began to worry that you didn't come back."

I watched the demon through a glare. After it being so long he should have known that I was going nowhere.

"You look very well," he told me almost mockingly.

I was still covered in blood. My face still had dark red spatters and dried blood streams running down my cheeks. I always came back looking the same.

"What do you expect?" I murmured with furrowed brows, "I look like this each time I return."

"Why not bathe before coming to my presence?" Jensuke questioned with amusement in his tone, "Maybe then I could touch you and give you what you desire."

He was bad at hiding the truth. I knew that I didn't understand a lot of thing anymore, especially how I felt. I was too numb to feel. He knew that and would pretend it was what I wanted.

"Don't come to me when you want _'female' _company you bastard," I growled, glaring at him hatefully.

"It could help you find what you're missing," he told me with a rather sly smirk on his face.

"I seriously doubt that," I stated coldly.

I didn't know what was missing, so how would I find it if I didn't know what I was looking for?

--

He opened her chamber door and once she saw him, she smiled. How he despised how she looked at him. Her eyes and mannerisms reminded him much of his deceased mother. He disliked it now – noticed it – more than ever before.

"Lord Sesshoumaru," the princess greeted him kindly, "I'm glad that you came."

His eyes narrowed slightly at her words. What would she wish to speak with him about?

"You've been here with me for almost three years now," she started with a smile on her face, "I'm grateful for your staying here for so long willingly…"

Of course he would stay willingly. He had nothing left elsewhere, just as there was nothing for him within these walls.

"I do not intend to stay for much longer," he stated emotionlessly, watching her with his golden orbs, "I was about to take my leave when you sent for me.

…

_I don't want to be the one_

_The battles always choose_

_'Cause inside I realize_

_That I'm the one confused_

…

He watched as the princess's face hardly fell at all. She continued smile at him pleasantly. Did she not care at all? Had it just been to place peace between western demons and humans? Had he lost **her **for nothing?

"I understand your wishes, lord Sesshoumaru .I was just about to ask if there was a reason why you would not mate with me," the woman said almost lightly.

She really didn't seem to care at all. It had all been a rouse.

"There is one I desire, upon which I have lost over time," he told her emotionlessly, "I desire to see her again."

"It has been a pleasure," the princess stated with a bow, "Farwell, lord Sesshoumaru."

He gave no farewell. If it had been that long then he needed to find **her**.

The demon already had a hold of her… She was in danger.

--

Jensuke chuckled slightly as he turned to look back out his window. Something was amusing him.

"There is a village not too far away from here that's rather small," he stated as his voice alone showed his smirk.

"You want me to go," I stated, narrowing my eyes slightly.

"Yes, I would like you to go," he stated, "but would you be a dear and bring back a head for me?"

My jaw clenched as he said that word_ 'dear'_. I was not his pet.

"…Whose head?" I asked reluctantly.

"The head of the village. The coward owes me a few souls in turn for the demon one he wanted," Jensuke mused slightly, "He didn't pay his dept, so now he will in full as we take back the soul he bargained for."

I turned to walk away, but before I could Jensuke grabbed the chain that tied my wrists.

"I ask you to do it because you do not owe me a dept any longer. You paid yours in full and more," he laughed into my ear, "I'm quite proud of you."

"Shut the hell up you hell bound bastard," I growled hatefully before pulling the chain away.

When I had received my full demon power, it had taken control of me and I destroyed villages and slaughtered many people. That had been my dept to be paid. Somewhere I knew that there was something else to it. The very thing that was missing and I couldn't remember. Jensuke knew it… I knew that he did.

The _'more' _that Jensuke spoke of was my servitude and the extra slaughtered souls. Whatever sanity I had left was only part or what I had beforehand. Jensuke had claimed that as well… but what else was missing? What piece of me was missing that was so important?

The demon that had been waiting outside the chamber looked at me with his lime green eyes.

"Have fun," he told me as he began to undo the chains.

Maybe he was foolish enough to do the same thing twice.

"Right," I laughed as I smirked and clenched my left claw.

Once the chains fell to the ground, my right claw went straight through his stomach.

"This is next time," I mocked before taking my arm back.

He was dead.

* * *

The forest was dark as the rain poured from the night sky. Everything was soaked around me as I chased a man through the trees. I was tormenting him… enjoying it.

"Please!" he begged as I had a hold of the back of his hoari, "Please don't kill me! I'll give you anything you want!"

Pathetic. That was all this man was.

"Some village elder you are," I laughed darkly, "You don't even fight back and you're a demon."

"Oh please!" he continued to beg.

I pinned his back to a tree trunk with my claw on his throat.

"You're quite annoying," I growled; squeezing."

…

_I don't know what's worth fighting for_

_Or why I have to scream_

_I don't know why I instigate_

_And say what I don't mean_

_I don't know how I got this way_

_I know it's not alright_

_So I'm breaking the habit_

_I'm breaking the habit_

_Tonight_

…

Before I could crush his throat, a tight grip took hold of my wrist and I was thrown to the side; my back colliding with a tree.

"Thank you! Thank you so-"

The sound of a sword cutting through flesh was heard. As I looked up, I saw that is wasn't a sword… but rather a green whip.

"Pathetic," a cold voice stated with what sounded like annoyance, "Such vermin."

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" I growled, glaring at the silver haired demon.

I couldn't see his face. All I could see was his silver hair blocking his face. That was until he turned his frozen gold orbs onto me. I watched as those golden orbs became surprised.

"Nina?" the stranger questioned with confusion.

Then my eyes widened with surprise. The thing that was missing… it was standing right in front of me now. _'S-Sesshoumaru?' _

"It's been three years… Is that truly you?" he questioned again.

His tone didn't sound right. It sounded either cold or… wounded? Had it really been three years?

"Answer the question," he demanded, taking a step towards me.

My blood red eyes became cold at his motion. I remembered now.

"Stay away," I threatened with furrowed brows.

My eyes could be as cold as his.

"What have you done?" he asked me, taking another step towards me.

"Stay away from me Sesshoumaru!" I growled.

He couldn't come near me. He couldn't touch me. I couldn't' let him. I was broken now… Nina didn't exist within this monster. There was nothing left anymore.

"I don't want to have to kill you too."

Sesshoumaru almost paused for a moment. I could tell that he wasn't scared. He was far more powerful than I could ever dream to be.

"Don't follow me," I told him with a dangerous look in my eye as I walked past him and grabbed the head of the village's head.

I was gone in more ways than one.

--

He couldn't believe his eyes. His childhood friend was no longer a child anymore… she was a dangerous female. Blood had covered both her hands and face though the rain had washed away a lot.

"Foolish half breed," he murmured as he turned to the direction she had walked away in.

What had happened to her? Yes, she had grown slightly taller and her hair was longer. Her eyes… those weren't her eyes. Those had been the eyes of a predator… of a soulless being on the hunt. Did she not know anything else anymore? Had se lost sight of herself in her prison?

His feet began to follow after her. She was a free soul… she deserved to be free again. Even if he ended up dying or she hated him… he swore that he would save her from that hell.

_**Thirteen years ago…**_

He walked through the poor village with curious eyes. He had never seen the peasant village before and he was curious to see how these _'humans'_ lived. As he went through the market, he could hear some of their words.

"Isn't that a demon child?"

"I think it is…"

"Do you think it belongs to that **other** demon?"

"No, look at how he's dressed! He doesn't belong with that half breed."

Half breed? Those were real?

His mother had told him about them when he was younger. She had said that they were a filth amongst the trees; nothing more than a filth of both species. She had also said that they didn't belong to either species because they were a mix. Neither wanted to claim a half breed to their side whenever there was a chance of one being found.

Their words seemed to intrigue him. He wanted to meet this half breed.

As he walked on, he heard more clamor and nonsense from the humans. From what he saw, they were a weak race and easily frightened. They were also quick to hate.

Then he found a silent part of the poor village. There didn't seem to be anything around… nothing except the sound of chickens squawking and someone grumbling.

"Aw, come on!" he heard a small girl's voice before he heard a slam of wood. What was that child doing?

He rounded a corner and his golden orbs widened slightly. There was a young girl with long dark brown hair, chasing chickens with her claws. Did humans have claws?

"Now you're in trouble," she murmured with a grin as she lunged forward at a chicken.

He watched it run away and she fell onto her stomach.

"If you chase after two hares then you will catch neither," he stated with a small smile on his face.

The girl jumped slightly with surprise as she looked back at him. Then she made a face at him. Such a childish thing to do.

"Just because you can do it," she stated with furrowed brows, "I'll show you **and** all of them some day."

"Show us what?" he questioned, walking towards the girl.

"That I'm not just a pathetic half breed."

This was the half breed that the peasants were talking about? What was wrong with her? She looked perfectly fine to him.

"I never said that you were," he stated simply, holding his hand out to her, "I see nothing wrong with you."

He watched as her blue eyes widened with surprise. Apparently he caught her off guard. She didn't take his hand though as she got to her feet.

"Everyone else does," she murmured quietly, "They don't like me or father very much… but mostly not me."

Placing his hand on her head, he got her to look up at him.

"They didn't like me much either," he assured her, "They're just scared."

"Scared of what?" she asked with confusion.

"Of how great you actually might turn out to be."

She was confused by his words, but at least then he knew that she had heard them.

"How about in a few days, we meet up again?" he offered, feeling light on the inside.

He didn't know or understand why, but he really liked this little half bred child. She wanted to mean something and he had few friends.

"Like friends?" she asked with a slightly cocked brow.

"Like friends," he agreed with a nod.

How she seemed to smile at those words. Somehow, he too, managed to smile at the thought. If she wanted to mean something, then why not mean something to him? After all, he had nothing against her.

_**Present**_

* * *

I returned to Jensuke's dark estate with furrowed brows. _'How could I have forgotten why I was here? How could I forget him at all?' _I asked myself with agitated confusion. _'Three years have passed… How could I have lost so much in that time frame?' _At least my encounter had brought back some of my sanity. My brain was working again.

…

_Clutching my cure_

_I tightly lock the door_

_I try to catch my breath again_

_I hurt much more_

_Than anytime before_

_I had no options left again_

_I don't want to be the one_

_The battles always choose_

_'Cause inside I realize_

_That I'm the one confused_

…

My blood covered hand pulled Jensuke's chamber door open and I stepped in.

"Here's your stupid head," I growled, throwing the head onto the floor in front of him, "Is that all you would like today?"

My voice was seething as I could feel my heart clench in my chest. I remembered why I hated this demon.

"Almost," he laughed as he rose to his feet.

My jaw clenched as he came closer. _'If he's not careful then my claw might accidentally go through his chest…' _

"You know," he started with a chuckled, "There was no reason to kill Marin. All he had done was what he did best."

"Yeah, piss me off," I stated hatefully, "I'm going back to my chamber now."

Before I could go back out the door, Jensuke's voice pulled me out of my anger and put me into fear.

"You saw your precious demon lord again," he mused rather darkly.

It made me stop in my place. I didn't want anything to happen to Sesshoumaru.

"You know that I know, Nina," he laughed, placing his hands on my hips, "I still have your human soul."

His grip was tight on my hips and it made me worry. What was he going to do to me?

"I know," I whispered, my face becoming solemn.

"It would be really simple for you two to be together," he continued to muse as his arms wrapped around my waist, "Give me his soul, you'll get your freedom, and both of your souls will be together with me. Then you could be together for eternity."

His words were tempting at the time, but they would have turned me into an even bigger monster.

"Get your hands off me," I hissed, clenching my fists.

'_I will not be a plaything to someone as disgusting as you!' _

"Think about it Nina," Jensuke pressed on, "Together forever, or broken apart as you are now. Which would you prefer?"

"Neither!" I growled, pushing Jensuke back.

'_I would rather die.'_

"I brought you your soul owed, now leave me be."

…

_I don't know what's worth fighting for_

_Or why I have to scream_

_I don't know why I instigate_

_And say what I don't mean_

_I don't know how I got this way_

_I'll never be alright_

_So, I'm breaking the habit_

_I'm breaking the habit_

_Tonight_

…

With those words, I left Jensuke's chamber. He was a bastard and didn't understand at all.

It had killed me to push myself away from Sesshoumaru like that. I wanted to wrap my arms around his waist and never let go. I couldn't though. I had chosen my path… and with three years having past, I was sure that he had as well. That other female was probably already bearing young.

I wanted to break apart from it all. I wanted my claws to be untainted again. I wanted to go back and change it all around… but that would never happen. I was trapped and soulless now… There wasn't anything that I could do about that now.

_**Eight years ago… **_

I had left home some time ago. I was eleven now. A year ago I had heard about a demon that could exchange souls from anyone. I couldn't stand being a half breed any longer. For nearly three years I suffered from losing my best friend. My stupid heart couldn't take it anymore. I had to try to change that… I **needed** to change that.

My parents had given no argument when I left when I was nine. I could take care of myself and wouldn't come back. If they wanted another child then they would have one. It was just that simple. They didn't need me, and I knew that.

Footsteps slowed as I stopped at the doorway of a fairly large estate. It was in the middle of nowhere, but it was still there. _'Is this it?' _I wondered with a cocked brow. Before I could do anything, the door opened and a lime green eyed demon looked down at me.

"What do you want?" he asked me with a suspicious stare.

Of course no one would take a child seriously.

"I wish to see Jensuke," I stated with a serious face, "Can you show me to him?"

"That depends on what's on the table," the demon told me with what sounded like boredom.

"A soul."

His mood changed then.

"Very well, follow me."

I was led down many hallways and stairs until we stopped in front of a chamber door.

"What is it Marin?" a male's voice questioned from inside.

"You have a _'customer'_, master Jensuke," he explained, "I think you might be pleased."

"Come in."

…

_I'll paint it on the walls_

_'Cause I'm the one at fault_

_I'll never fight again_

_And this is how it ends_

…

The door opened and then I was pushed inside the rather dark chamber. My eyes fell onto a man in the middle of the room and a chill was sent down my spine.

"What do you seek, little girl?" Jensuke asked, more amused than the previous demon.

"A trade," I stated, my blue eyes locking with his blood red ones, "You can take my human soul and I only want my demon one."

He seemed to smirk at the proposal.

"What's your name?" Jensuke questioned.

"Nina Hanaki," I replied, eyes unmoving.

'_This man frightens me…' _

"Very well Nina, I accept your proposal. But you must do something for me in return," Jensuke chuckled slightly, "To make it a fair trade since human souls are so bothersome."

"What do you want?"

"Destroying villages will become a temporary pastime for you. Each soul you kill comes to me," he explained with a slight shrug, "Then when you fall in love, you must bring me their soul as well."

'_When I fall in love? I doubt that that would ever happen…' _

"It's a deal," I agreed.

"Good decision little Nina."

_**Present**_

My blood red eyes stared at the wall blankly as I leaned against my chamber wall. The room was rather small and dark. It was perfect as a prison cell.

"Damn it," I cursed as the memory of seeing him kept coming to mind.

Why wouldn't it just leave me alone? Why wouldn't it just disappear?

I was supposed to feel guilty for what happened… but I didn't care at all. My conscience was still missing, and I had a feeling that it wasn't coming back.

"I need to bathe," I murmured, getting to my feet.

I was still covered in blood. It was time that I got the scent out of my nose.

--

He came to the large estate with furrowed brows.

"So it was him all along," he murmured with a clenched fist.

She was in there – in a prison cell he assumed – and was doing his bidding. Nina didn't kill freely without a purpose. When he saw it, it was normally in defense. What was her reasoning to this? Why would she possibly agree to something like this?

"What have you done?" he whispered before opening the main door and stepping inside.

--

'_I can't believe this… Why did this turn into such a problem?' _My eyes narrowed as I got into the warm bath. I fully submerged before scrubbing away at the blood all over my claws.

"I can't stand the smell anymore," I grumbled as I got one claw clean.

I had thought that maybe if I left the blood on me then it would remind me of what I was missing. Seeing Sesshoumaru had brought back my thoughts, but there were still many things that I was missing.

"Stupid bastard," I hissed, "He took more from me than what he needed."

I scrubbed at the blood on my face before going under and trying to wash it out of my hair.

When I came back up again, the smell of fresh blood was in the air. My ears could faintly hear some noise on the floor below. _'What is going on down there? Who's getting into a fight this time?' _I temporarily ignored the noise until I was finished bathing. I had no need to rush.

Jumping out of the bath, I got dressed into a fresh dark blue hoari with light blue leaves going along the sleeves. My pants were just plain white. _'At least I get good clothes…' _As I opened the door to the bathing room, the scent of more than just blood filled my nose. There was intent… and death.

"What the hell is going on?" I asked with confusion.

Maybe Jensuke had finally lost his mind…

Then my feet began to run towards Jensuke's chamber. If something was happening, then it surely involved that bastard.

--

He stood in Jensuke's chamber, blood running from a wound on his side. The demon had merely laughed once he saw him. He couldn't stand how arrogant Jensuke was. It hadn't taken long. He didn't even get covered in any lowly demon's blood. The only minor complication was the sword wound on his right side.

Many transparent orbs came from Jensuke once he was dead. One in particular floated right to him. The others he cared nothing of. The light blue soul orb came to rest in his hands and he gazed at it rather curiously. Was this all her innocence? Would she want it back? Or should he just keep it as his?

His questions were cut short as the chamber door slid open and it drew his attention. There she was; everything except her eyes and longer hair was the same. Her eyes were wide with either surprise or confusion.

"Nina," he started, taking a step towards her, "It's alright now, Nina."

She looked up at him – eyes locking – in confusion. It was like she didn't understand.

"You don't have to kill anymore. We can be together now."

Her eyes looked away from her eyes and to the light blue orb floating in his palm.

"Is that… what I think it is?" she asked with a cocked brow.

He nodded simply before putting it into his chest. He could feel her eyes on him as it went into his body. She was ultimately his now.

"B-but aren't you with that woman?" she asked, even more confused.

He shook his head as he walked to be right in front of her.

"She did not care," he stated, reaching to touch her cheek, "We are no longer with one another."

…

_I don't know what's worth fighting for_

_Or why I have to scream_

_But now I have some clarity_

_to show you what I mean_

_I don't know how I got this way_

_I'll never be alright_

_So, I'm breaking the habit_

_I'm breaking the habit_

_I'm breaking the habit_

_Tonight_

…

He could feel her emotions from her human heart. He knew how she was feeling… how confused she was. He understood almost everything.

"Why did you leave me?" he asked, eyes brooding.

Of course he was in pain, just as she had been.

"To save you," she whispered, dropping her eyes away from him, "I couldn't let him kill you… so I became a servant."

"Then I guess that makes us even," he murmured before capturing her lips in a kiss.

He knew that now he could never lose her again. There was just a lot for both of them to fix.

**End of Last Chapter**

Hey again! So how was it? Was it a satisfying ending? I hope it was. I don't want any people outside my house with torches or pitchforks. _Peeks behind the curtains _Lol. So all the chapters before this all started with _**P**_ and I wanted to change it for the last chapter. :3 Did anyone else notice that? And all the songs in the chapters before this were all by _**Blue October **_and this one had _**Breaking the Habit **_by _**Linkin Park. **_Woo! I hope it fit with the chapter.

Thank you all so much for reading and for reading all the way through, I totally love you guys for doing it. _Kai's happy and throws you all cookie _I hope that you all enjoyed it, and that you will come back to read any other fanfics that I have. :3

Thanks again!

_**halfdemon-kai**_


End file.
